Christmas is almost upon us (kind of) and you know what that means: Gwyneth Paltrow’s totally ridiculous Goop gift guide has arrived! Gwennie has clearly become aware of the world’s impression of her (frigid, out of touch etc.) because she’s thrown in the odd thrifty item (a Zara tshirt here, a shitty lip gloss there), but there’s still plenty of unnecessary, unaffordable swag perfect for the 1%.
And since nothing puts us in the holiday spirit quite like looking at a bunch of gifts we could never afford, here are some of our favorites.
ElectricLove Pacha Series Dreamcatcher
You know when an item is listed as “Price Upon Request” that it is outlandishly expensive. At least the recipient’s bad dreams about their second mortgage and various gift purchasing money woes will be caught and discarded.
Consciously Uncoupled Keychain
$15. While this gift is affordable, the emotional cost is high.
Ivan Baj Ruby Gem Vase
$2,900. Makes a great stocking stuffer.
Saint Laurent Monogrammed Suitcase
$3,990. Just monogram “Rich AF” or “Daddy’s Little Girl” and call it a day.
Seinnheiser Orpheus Headphones
$55,000. You are getting SO laid for these.
Custom Photographs of your Memorabilia by Hippopota
$1,200. Because once you have a bunch of expensive shit, you might as well get overpriced custom photographs of it.