Republicans may not be effective at much — governing, for example, or understanding how science works, for another. Stringing two sentences together without coming up with a new genre of rape you might say. But one thing they have got on lock down is petulant, child-like antagonism. Take note, assorted internet instigators, because their troll game is unfuckwithable, like this video below of brisket-booted cow-person Lane Turner, (via Buzzfeed) rehearsing for his performance at the Republican National Convention. (image via)
“I built it with my own hard-working hands,” he croons, in a song called “I Built It”, staring off emptily into the middle distance like a slack-jawed barn hand from the fields of the Uncanny Valley. “Yes I built it, no help from Uncle Sam.”
The song is a response to president Obama’s now infamous speech about how Americans owe everything they’ve ever done or owned in their lives to aid from the government and also him personally because he is the boss of you (paraphrasing there.)
Here’s what he actually said in a speech in July:
If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.
Not our boy ol’ Lane Turner, whose name sounds more like a department store hooker from the 1930s than a country tough guy. Not Turner, proud son of Lubbock, Texas, home to a judge who suggested last week that civil war may be necessary if Obama is elected. No siree, certainly not out Turner, graduate of that fine public institution Texas Tech University, with his big gig tonight at a convention paid for with millions and millions of tax dollars.
What is it he built exactly? A shitty song? Not even sure he could lay claim to that hackneyed chord progression. Someone else built that.
The entire theme of tonight’s convention, held, as one commenter here points out, at a stadium built by “the taxpayers of Tampa to the tune of $140 million with muni bonds that included federal tax subsidies” is “We Built It”, or to translate that from the Republican: “Neener neener, kiss my wiener.”
“Not in a weird way though,” they’d be quick to add.
As Business Week points out, the Romney campaign has twisted Obama’s statements into something they never actually meant, which should come as a surprise to anyone who just learned about how political campaigns work this morning. “It is clear from the context that Obama was arguing that government services such as infrastructure and education provide an essential foundation for building successful businesses. He wasn’t denying entrepreneurs credit.”
Good point, but we’re not speaking logically here, this is Republican, aka playground logic. Whoever smelt it dealt it, as Mitt Romney often says in his stump speech. You can’t argue with that.