News

The Colts Lost to the Pats Because They Spent the Weekend Getting Wasted, Not Deflated Footalls

News

The Colts Lost to the Pats Because They Spent the Weekend Getting Wasted, Not Deflated Footalls

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The Super Bowl is less than a week away and everyone is still talking about the New England Patriots using deflated balls two Sundays ago. There’s been use of “science,” insane accusations and “investigations.” Deflategate became an actual headline. The Pats won 45-7 and have been deemed the ultimate villains.

But guess here’s another theory: The Colts are just a lazy team.

I was randomly staying at the Indianapolis Colts hotel all last weekend–the Omni in Providence. These dudes were up past midnight the night before the game, taking over entire restaurants. From our view, the Colts were eating endless meals, sipping vino and living the good life. We even spotted some cigar smoking. Then, the next day, when you’d expect the team to, you know, go to the AFC Championship game, they had a giant team meal that lasted until abouty 4pm. Kickoff was at 6:30pm. Sure, we spotted a few Colts in the gym, but many more in the steam room.

Here are the game day team buses at 3pm, empty:

unnamed-5 Local news guy bored by the Colts’ laziness:
unnamed-6

I was gonna leave this alone, give the players privacy blah. But when you watch a team take the weekend before a title game and use it to eat expensive steak while your team is accused of cheating, all bets are off. Go Pats! Fuck the Seahawks! Tom Brady is the mannnnnn….