For the last 46 years, in an event called the Super Bowl, Americans have been dressing up the biggest, strongest, and fastest amongst them and dispatching them onto a field in order to crush each other in the pursuit of a pointy leather ball. That these gladiators don little more than tights and play the most important game of their lives in February, the coldest of the month of the year, seems like a particularly cruel touch. Meanwhile, over 100 million of us root from the comfort of our living rooms, our gullets alternately stuffed with beer, nachos, chips, hot wings, and anything else even relatively binge-able. Truth be told, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Can you imagine the BULLETT crew hopelessly crashing against the moving mountains that are the San Francisco 49ers or the Baltimore Ravens? There’d be nothing left of us but a lumpy sludge of iPhones, wedges, and coffee. Spare us and let us bring you these shopable football-inspired looks instead.