Culture

Pre-Super Bowl Watch These Eight, Sometimes Great, Gridiron Fantasies

Culture

Pre-Super Bowl Watch These Eight, Sometimes Great, Gridiron Fantasies

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In The Longest Yard, Adam Sandler plays Paul "Wrecking" Crewe, a has-been football star who lands in prison after stealing his girlfriend's car, drunk driving it around town and causing a general mess. In prison, Crewe coaches prisoners for the big game against the guards. Guess what happens next. Football Lesson #1: Football is all about the underdogs. WATCH IT NOW
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There's a good chance you didn't see Leatherheads, directed by George Clooney. Why? Because no one did. Although the movie only cost $58m to make, it grossed a measly $31m. That said, this movie is halfway adorable, with George Clooney and John Krasinski playing a couple of hunks in the 1920s, dead-set on raising football's profile. At one point Clooney's character says, "You're only as young as the woman you feel," which is reason enough to watch this. Football Lesson #2: George Clooney may be a creep. WATCH IT NOW
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Any Given Sunday is, in our modest opinion, the greatest football film ever. The cast and credits alone are enough to make you giddy: directed by Oliver Stone, starring Jamie Foxx, Al Pacino, Dennis Quaid, Cameron Diaz, and to round out the cast, LL Cool J! In it, Foxx plays a down and out player at the end of his career who's given a second chance. If you're a fan of watching Al Pacino spazz out in the way only he can (spitting, head shaking, and excessive screaming), this is the movie for you. Football Lesson #3: In Football you always get a second chance. WATCH IT NOW
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Varsity Blues is your classic 90s date movie. When John Moxon, played by James Van Der Beek, becomes the quarterback of the West Canaan Coyotes, everyone doubts his abilities. After all, this is James Van Der Beek we're talking about here. John Voigt plays the evil coach Kilmer, who not only abuses his players, but takes a shot at Mox's dad too, calling him a "no talent pussy." Lo and behold, Mox prevails, going on to win the championship game. Football Lesson #4: Haters are your motivators. WATCH IT NOW
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Based on a true story, Remember the Titans is the story of coach Herman Boone overcoming the challenges of being the first black football coach of a predominantly white high school after forced integration. If that sounds heavy, that's because it is. But it's also fantastic. Best Boone quote by far: "I don't scratch my head unless it itches and I don't dance unless I hear some music. I will not be intimidated. That's just the way it is." Football Lesson #5: Football doesn't discriminate. WATCH IT NOW
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There was a lot to like about Jerry Maguire. For one, Tom Cruise actually did a decent job of playing Jerry Maguire, a sports agent with only one nutty client: Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.). And, who can forget "Show me the money!"? We yell that across the BULLETT office at least once a day. But here's one thing we don't like about this movie: Gooding's creepy mustache. WTF were you thinking Gooding? Football Lesson #6: Under their helmets, football players hide scary facial hair. WATCH IT NOW
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We're not going to lie: we had to dig this one up from BULLETT'S dark and dank basement, where it's languished for the better part of twenty years. But we're dusting it off and declaring it a modern classic. Imagine a grumpy detective (Bruce Willis) teaming up with an ex-quarter back (Damon Wayans) to solve a murder mystery. How could this go wrong? Football Lesson #7: After retiring, quarterbacks make pretty good detectives. WATCH IT NOW
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JK, don't watch The Game Plan. Could you smell what the rock was cooking when he signed up for this Sandy-sized disaster of a movie? We could, and it had a port-a-potty bouquet with just the faintest hint of vomit. WATCH IT NOW
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Before you accuse us of luring you here under false pretense, let us make our case. The Super Bowl is this Sunday, and being a BULLETT reader there’s a good chance you think a quarterback is what you get when you break a dollar. If so, you may very well embarrass yourself this weekend. Luckily, you have a few more days and BULLETT’s football movie recommendations at your side. Learn the basics, make an insightful Any Given Sunday reference, impress your date, get laid, and thank us Monday morning.