Music

The Top 5 Best (Worst) Myspace Hits

Music

The Top 5 Best (Worst) Myspace Hits

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While the Internet has come a long way from the (thankfully distant) era of Myspace culture, it’s always fun to reflect on that dark time when Gloomy Bear collections, diamond-shaped tattoos and Whoretrains all boosted your street cred. Listen to our list of the best (worst) Myspace hits, below, and take a few moments to applaud yourself for moving past the days of convincing your mom you needed raccoon tails and posting “PC4PC” bulletins at 4 am.

“Alcohol” by Millionaires 

In the same way Gwen Stefani famously taught the masses how to spell, “Bananas,” with her 2004 single, “Hollaback Girl,” Myspace-born rap-pop trio Millionaires educated angsty pre-teens (who’d likely never yet touched a drink) about the spelling of, “A-L-C-O-H-O-L.” Their jet-black hair was always teased to the heavens and their grills were sparkling way before the days of any serious allegations about “cultural appropriation.” See also, “Just Got Paid, Let’s Get Laid.” 

“Get Away With Murder” by Jeffree Star

Jeffree Star singlehandedly birthed the concept of “Internet Celebrity,” and his debut album Beauty Killer was a fairly laudable attempt to capitalize on his wide-reaching Myspace platform. In the track, “Get Away With Murder,” star essentially spells out a horrifying revenge fantasy, admitting to a “mystery” inside his head of a lover “dripping all in red” (Romantic). See also, “Beauty Killer.”

“Fer Sure” by The Medic Droid

Listening to “Fer Sure” brings back a disturbing memory of seeing The Medic Droid in concert (Lol), and witnessing a pack of sexually frustrated middle-schoolers (with long, straightened hair and snakebite piercings, of course) moshing and screaming the lyrics,” Kick off your stilettos and fuck me in the backseat.” The Medic Droid has since disappeared and we’re left wondering why their super sustainable sound became so uncool? See also, “Keeping Up With The Joneses.”

“Freaxxx” by Brokencyde

Easily the worst combination in music history, Brokencyde brought together autotune, sex, screamo, hip-hop, Hot Topic angst and a giant pink piggy mascot under the same umbrella. Apparently the duo still makes music today and continues referring to their sound as, “Crunkcore.” But why? See also, “Get Crunk.”

“Scene Kidz” by Geoffrey Paris

Easily the greatest archive from the era of Hello Kitty and Sidekick cellphones, Geoffery Paris’ “Scene Kidz” spells out all the embarrassing details of this weird online community. Between lyrics like, “Scene kids, where ya at? Drama at the mall, yeah we do it like,” and, “Let me hit that photoshop, lookin’ real good with your face all cropped,” we’re very happy it’s no longer 2008. See also, “I Want Candy… Dead!”