BULLETT

A lot of people saw Titanic, and paused at the end when Rose takes that whole big ol’ piece of wood all to herself and lets poor Jack freeze in the North Atlantic ocean, inches away from her. Why did Leo have to die? (Answer:  because the narrative is more compelling that way, that’s why.) There was even that meme arguing that both of the star-crossed lovers could’ve fit comfortably on the plank that helped Rose survive. IGN recently asked James Cameron if he was aware of the controversy, and Cameron defended Rose, saying that the amount of room on the plank wasn’t the issue. ”Actually, it’s not a question of room, it’s a question of buoyancy. When Jack puts Rose on the raft, then he tries to get on the raft. He’s not an idiot, he doesn’t want to die. And the raft sinks and kind of flips. So it’s clear that there’s only enough buoyancy available for one person. So he makes a decision to let her be that person instead of taking them both down.”

What’s more, apparently there’s an upcoming episode of Mythbusters that features the question, where James Cameron will assist in debunking the idea that Jack could’ve survived. Naturally, a dude who spent years developing a camera for 3D that doesn’t suck and went back and corrected the stars in his movie isn’t going to let something like this lie.

Ever since the kerfuffle about Drake’s nebulous involvement with Aaliyah’s posthumous album started, you’ve probably been tearing your hair out, clawing at your face and screaming “But what does baby girl’s Romeo Must Die costar and “Back in One Piece” collaborator DMX think about all of this? You’re not telling me what I need to do know!” You’re right, and we apologize for the oversight. In an effort to make it up to you though, we can tell you that DMX stopped by MTV News recently and didn’t really have any nice things to say about Drake.  ”How do you disregard what this woman did? What this beautiful angel did and say, ‘Oh OK, I’m gonna take it for myself because I’m hot right now and I’m feelin’ myself? How do you just go there with it? Your balls ain’t that big, son.” Dang, X gon give it to ya indeed.

In the vastly distorted world of blogs, anything that happened last year happened ages ago, back when your parents used to walk four miles in the snow just to get to school. Considering all the notoriety that Lana Del Rey carries around with her in September 2012, it’s nuts to consider that she was once just a promising singer, with a penchant for cutting up footage in a way that appealed to the preferences of people who trawl the Internet for cool stuff. Dev Hynes AKA Blood Orange recently remixed a Lana Del Rey song for Nowness, and in a cool move, he bypassed the new stuff like “Born to Die” or “National Anthem” for the classic (in blog time) cut “Blue Jeans.” Hynes takes out the guitar and replaces the 60s-pop aesthetic of the song with a gauzy electric sound that feels like it would be right at home in a movie from the ’80s that you caught on TV at 11pm on a Saturday night. Something with Keifer Sutherland in it. Not Flatliners though.

Listen to the Blood Orange remix of “Blue Jeans” over at Nowness.

There are things in the world which we know to be true: saltwater will make you sick, dogs hear frequencies that humans can’t, and Ugg boots are awful. Standard, incontrovertible fact, right? Well, proponents of comfort at the cost of the shape of a woman’s leg got a shot in the arm today, when André Leon Talley came out in defense of Uggs. Hard. Styleite caught the former Vogue Editor-at-Large in Uggs at Laura Smalls’ show last night, and he had this to say about his footwear: “When I discovered Uggs, it was a revelation. I love Uggs. Uggs can be as chic as heels for women. Uggs are comfort shoes and it’s important to have a shoe that gives you a sense of comfort. I have about 15 pair of Uggs — the same shoe, the same color. And I also have the bedroom slippers. It’s my shoe of choice at this moment of 2012 — it has been my shoe of choice. I love that you noticed I’m wearing Uggs. And this is a Tom Ford bag.”

15 pairs! André Leon Talley could wear Uggs everyday for a month and only wear the same shoe twice! Well if “Uggs can be as chic as heels for women” I guess mandals can be as slick as brogues for dudes, right? Time to break out my birkenstocks!

Viggo Mortensen’s such a selective actor that his presence in a film by itself is a good enough reason to give it a look. Mortensen stars in Everybody Has a Plan by first-time Argentinean director Ana Piterbarg, and this subtitled North American trailer makes it look the actor’s shrewd selection of projects has probably paid off again. The American actor plays identical twins Pedro and Agustin, who switch places when the latter becomes bored with his awesome, normal life. Then of course, things go awry, as they are wont to do.

So yeah, this movie’s what entertainment insiders call a “Lohan,” named that because Lindsay Lohan’s performance in The Parent Trap is still the defining double-shot one-actor-playing-dual-roles performance in the history of cinema. It remains at the top because The Parent Trap actually required her to play four roles: the twin sisters, and then each twin pretending to be the other twin. Artistry right? This movie just requires Viggo Mortenson to pretend to be each twin, and then Agustin pretending to be Pedro. 14 years later, and still no one can touch the dramatic prowess of the Lohan.

Dream pop isn’t really a seasonal thing; opportunities to get all glassy-eyed and stare off into space are equally abundant at the turn of both equinoxes and solstices. If you’re already hunting for your fall 2012 dream pop fix, turn to Teen Daze. The Inner Mansions is Teen Daze’s second full-length album (also the second record dude is releasing this year after his debut All of Us, Together dropped “way back” in May), and “Union” is the latest single from it.

Teen Daze recruited the similarly atmospheric and ethereal Frankie Rose to help him out with the track, and the result is some real pleasing, buoyant, shoegaze-y ish. For any Americans reading this, The Inner Mansions hits streets on election day, so depending how our nation’s electoral contest comes out, you can use Teen Daze’s pretty, chill vibes to either soundtrack your optimism for the next four years, or assure yourself that despite our country’s terrible mistake, it’ll be alright. Listen to “Union” below.

If you were going to make a list of big deal living American writers, you’d probably put Jonathan Franzen (or as his friends like to call him, JoFro) right at the top. But has anyone ever tried to push past the NYPD to see him? That’s just what fans of Junot Dìaz did the other day at the writer’s appearance at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square.

According to Colorlines the bookstore had seating for 400 and capacity for 1,000 at the author’s event last night, and that still wasn’t enough to contain all the fans who showed up for the release of Dìaz’s new story collection, This is How You Lose Her. Police officers actually had to bar the escalators to stop readers from coming through after some tried to make their way past anyway. Were these people aware that they are nerds who are trying to hear a dude talk about literature? According to the bookstore, the last event that packed was when Tina Fey read there a year-and-a-half ago. Mind you, Junot Dìaz has never starred on a TV show or been on the cover of Time .

It’s been almost a month since three members of Pussy Riot were sentenced to two years in a prison colony (lol Russia still uses penal colonies? Jesus Christ) but bits of news trickle out about the embattled bandmates still, and here’s an especially surprising one. According to Russia Today, Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev is in favor of releasing the imprisoned band members. “I feel that extending the prison time [for the band members] in this case is counterproductive,” Medvedev said. “In my opinion, probation would have been sufficient punishment, considering all the time they’ve already spent behind bars.”

Of course, Medvedev is widely considered to be one of Putin’s lackeys, so this is especially odd considering the women were arrested for what was essentially an anti-Putin demonstration. Maybe Medvedev is about to release an EP or something, and wants the blogosphere to look upon him favorably. In any case, the ladies case is up for appeal on Oct. 1, so this is as good a sign as any that that might go well for them.

Saint Lou Lou are the model-looking twin duo of Elektra and Miranda Kilbey. Hailing from Australia, the two have a new track out on French label Kitsunè, called “Maybe You.” The original is a warm, placid pop track, and those two descriptors are all fine and good until Montreal producer CFCF steps into the mix. His rub of “Maybe You” is a bit shinier and larger, catapulting Saint Lou Lou’s already decent song into something that would’ve been at home in the soundtrack for Nicholas Winding Refn’s Drive. How nice it must be for an artist to have their stuff reworked by CFCF; like, you wanted to buy your song a bejeweled Snuggie but that was kind of out of your price range, but then this lovely Québécois fella comes along and just gives you one for free! That’s true generosity right there.

Stream CFCF’s remix of “Maybe You” here.

Everyone was pretty dang surprised earlier this year when Girls frontman Christopher Owens left the band of which he’d pretty much been the most recognizable face, but that doesn’t mean the singer is stepping out of the spotlight. Today, the fashion house formerly known as Yves Saint Laurent released its first image since designer Hedi Slimane took the top spot this spring and cut the “Yves” out of the name. And what do you know, the ad prominently features Owens’ right side and the back of his head. Sick. Not really sure what this indicates for the label’s upcoming show (maybe a lot of sashes?), but you can have a lot of fun imagining Slimane saying with a straight face, “Menswear in 2013 is all about the right side of the body.” As for Owens, maybe he’s  working on his walk somewhere. If so, dude had better cut down on the pizzas and bottles of wine.