BULLETT

If you’re like me, you’ve probably found plenty of reasons to be jealous of Orlando Bloom before in the past. The fame, talent, film career…being married to Miranda Kerr for a while. But all of that pales in comparison to taking a swing at Justin Bieber’s anthropomorphized bobble-head doll face, which apparently took place in Ibiza last night.

TMZ…sigh… has the scoop. Also on hand in the restaurant were Diddy and Paris Hilton, they say. Sounds like a cool spot.

Apparently things got testy between Bloom and Bieber, who have a history of beef going back to when the Bibequakes hung out with Kerr while she was married to Bloom, and then, uh *checks notes*, Bloom hung out with Selena Gomez or something? It’s like a day time soap opera! But with worse acting.

Anyway, there’s a video of Bloom sort of taking a shove/swipe at Bieber, but his body guard deflects it. Give that guy a raise.

So, there’s that blog post in the can. I don’t know guys. Sometimes I just don’t know.

Ariel Pink sat for an interview on Alexi Wasser’s series “Alexi In Bed” where he tells a pretty weird story about getting in an argument with a potential love interest.

“I got maced by a feminist. #hatecrime,” Pink says. He had gone home with her after a party. “I treated this girl with the utmost respect,” he says.”She was young, she was nice. She talked about her dad all night,” to which Alexi starts laughing.

“I’m laughing because she’s fucked up,” Alexi says. “It’s like ‘I have daddy issues.’”

Pink explains he didn’t do it with her. Maybe because the girl called him a “Saggy Kurt Cobain, and a saggy Mr. Burns.”

The next day he suggested they go get some lunch. They go to get a smoothie, and apparently there’s a disagreement over who is going to pay. And then she gets really angry. “Women’s lib and all that kind of stuff. She makes her own money, she can fucking pay for her own lunch.”

“Basically, she thought she had me wrapped around her finger because I listened to her daddy,” he says. “This is my psychological evaluation. She wanted to bitch me out in public because she’s like, ‘I got a good one. I got a great Kurt Cobain wannabe and he’s respectful of women and I can shame him in public. This is just the guy I want.’”

She starts shouting at him, and he says something like, “Shut your mouth, little girl, respect your elders, and fucking get out of here.”

As he walks away, she runs up behind him and maces him, yelling “Take that you bitch!”  Then she runs away, and smashes the windshield of the van, and scrapes “Asshole”  on the side of the van.

And that was the time Ariel Pink had a weird encounter with a potential hook up and said some strange shit to someone who seems a little crazy. (h/t P4k)

As you might imagine, I have to listen to a lot of music around here at the content sharing factory, and most of it falls pretty flat. One good quality control test I’ve found is that if after the first time I play a song I can hear my lady singing its hook five seconds later in the other room, then it’s probably a winner. (Like in most relationships, she’s got better taste than me.)

You’ll probably have this track “Step Into My Office” from Brooklyn-based (you don’t say?!) four piece Blank Paper in your head too right off the bat. It’s a slow, creeping, electro-noir number, with a sultry delivery that contrasts its rather bureaucratic lyrics. “I have plans, come meet with me. Hear my proposal, we could start a company,” vocalist Marie Kim sings. Trust me, it’s a lot sexier than it sounds on paper.

The video, starring NYC actor and model Carl Wolfe, takes a much different approach, reflecting on a young boy’s troubled relationship with an abusive father. It was directed by Patrice Zapiti of LGTR Productions

“It’s obviously a reflection of some personal struggles and pains from childhood regarding the father figure,” the band tells me. “It is very far from the sexy vibe of the song that most people perceive, but that’s kind of why we went with it because the song in our minds was meant for that dark vibe that has to do with the pains of trying to get to know and love someone who seemingly doesn’t want the same.”

Sometimes you just want to watch The NeverEnding Story, but your dad wants to watch football. If that’s not a great metaphor for love I don’t know what is.

NBS has announced that Allison Williams, star of Girls, and fruit of NBC News’ Brian Williams’ loins, will star as the titular hero in their live musical adaptation Peter Pan Live!  You may remember a similar event last winter with The Sound of Music Live! starring Carrie Underwood.

“I have wanted to play Peter Pan since I was about three years old, so this is a dream come true,” said Williams, whose singing talents we’re all familiar with from her shame-karaoke on Girls. (via The Wrap).  “It’s such an honor to be a part of this adventure, and I’m very excited to get to work with this extraordinarily talented team. And besides, what could go wrong in a live televised production with simultaneous flying, sword fighting and singing?”

In this version of the classic tale, which will also star Christopher Walken as Captain Hook, Peter Pan whisks Wendy and her brothers away to Green Point where they do battle with a group of trust fund hipsters intent on gentrifying their magical land.

Just when the furor over Thor being turned into a woman has subsided, we can now brace ourselves for all manner of nerd overreaction with new casting news for the remake of the beloved sci-fi film 12 Monkeys. The time travel story, which is being made into a series on the Syfy network, has announced that Canadian actress Emily Hampshire will assume the role played by Brad Pitt in the film, which was, of course, itself a remake. You may remember Hampshire from the Robert Pattinson film Cosmopolis, or you would anyway if you had seen it, which you didn’t.

As Deadline explains, Hampshire will play Jennifer Goines, “a female version of the Jeffrey Goines character played in the movie by Pitt. Jennifer is a dangerous, unstable mental patient who might have the key to unraveling the mystery of the 12 Monkeys locked away in her head.”

The series has previously cast Aaron Stanford,Amanda Schull, and Kirk Acevedo.

“We spent long hours together in the studio and only left until we finished,’ Freddy Crabs, keyboardist for Australian genre-jumpers Sticky Fingers explains of their forthcoming Land of Pleasure, out in the States on August 5.

“I remember one time in particular when I had just finished a day session and stayed in the studio by myself. Suddenly Dylan [Frost, vocalist/guitarist] came stumbling through the door going ‘Crabs, let’s write a beat now!’ I quickly came up with some chords and bailed soon after, but when I came back the next morning, I found Dylan still in the studio working on rough version of what became ‘Velvet Skies.’”

That song, premiered here today, is a blissful mix of hip-hop delivery with reggae contours, and far-flung panoramic instrumental vistas.

“Once Paddy [Cornwall, bassist] came in and added a few things, it turned into one of the strongest tunes we’ve written to date,” he goes on. I tend to agree.

Photo by Colin L.

It’s gotten to the point by now where we can probably stop referring to this type of slinky, funky electro-funk-pop as sounding 80s retro now that we live in the eternal 80s of the nostalgic mind, right? This remix of Barcelona-based That Girl With the Dark Eyes’ “Hey Baby” by Auxiliary the Masterfader is just as evocative of what we were dancing to last night as it is last millennium (although, fine, there’s plenty of  Sheila E.’s “The Glamorous Life” here).

A love of the past played into the production of the track at any rate.

“Aux and I quickly bonded over the internet comparing analog equipment, TGWtDE, aka Tiffany Garrett Sotomayor told us. “We both mentioned the Juno 60 and Linn Drum as influences and our little analog hearts were all a flutter. This remix is about appreciating gear of the past and creating a positive vibe. If roller skate rinks were still a thing this would be the ultimate jam! It instantly took me back to cruising around shotgun in my Dads ’69 Chevy Step-side.”

She’s pleased with the way the remix turned out, she says.

“Aux kept all the right hooks from the original but added some extra bounce and really highlighted the male backing vocals (which was inspired by Prince’s “Sexy M.F.”) and turned it into more of lead: like a modern day Prince and Sheila reunion.”

The song, she says, is about a lover’s quarrel. “Those ‘back and forth’ tendencies, waves of self-empowerment when you don’t want anyone to love you, or at least that’s what you say. You think you’re protecting yourself from being hurt. But there’s also some honesty in the verses, admitting what you really feel and being assertive. Musically speaking the song literally just happened. It came very quickly and was easy. Some songs are not like that and you really have to work on it for months or even years, this one was just there. If I can be new-agey for a moment, it feels like the universe gave it to me, straight out of the ‘funkmosphere.’”

And now she’s giving it to us, so we may give it to you.

Photo by Markus Rico

Freddie Prinze Jr., the 2000s star of such films as She’s All That and probably some other stuff, said this weekend that working alongside Kiefer Sutherland on the conservative dad revenge fantasy porn known as 24, was one of the worst experiences of his acting  career. It was so bad, he told ABC News, that he considered quitting acting altogether, which is surprising because I figured he had anyway.

Speaking at Comic Con in San Diego, where he’s promoting some Disney thing or Star Wars thing or maybe some Disney-Star Wars thing, Prinze Jr. said that when he was on 24 back in 2010, “It was terrible,” and that he “hated every moment of it.”

He didn’t mince words when it came to describing the show’s star, which is a refreshing change of pace from the usual Hollywood circle jerk. “Kiefer was the most unprofessional dude in the world. That’s not me talking trash, I’d say it to his face, I think everyone that’s worked with him has said that.”

Even professional wrestling was a preferable gig. “I went and worked for Vince McMahon at the WWE for Christ’s sake and it was a crazier job than working with Kiefer,” he said. “But, at least he was cool and tall. I didn’t have to take my shoes off to do scenes with him, which they made me do. Just put the guy on an apple box or don’t hire me next time. You know I’m 6 feet and he’s 5’4.”

Sounds like he was taking notes on how to start a beef from his time in the WWE.

When festival goers arrive at the Bass Coast electronic music festival beginning this Friday in British Columbia, they’ll find the usual banned items you’ll see at most such gatherings: no drugs (lol), no weapons, no toaster ovens and so on. But added to that list this year is a rule against attendees donning the type of Native American headdresses that have become such a staple of post-Coachella-core fashion.

They explained in a Facebook post over the weekend:

For various reasons, Bass Coast Festival is banning feathered war bonnets, or anything resembling them, onsite. Our security team will be enforcing this policy.

We understand why people are attracted to war bonnets. They have a magnificent aesthetic. But their spiritual, cultural and aesthetic significance cannot be separated.

Bass Coast Festival takes place on indigenous land and we respect the dignity of aboriginal people. We have consulted with aboriginal people in British Columbia on this issue and we feel our policy aligns with their views and wishes regarding the subject. Their opinion is what matters to us.

Simon Moya-Smith, a journalist, and citizen of the Oglala Lakota Nation was among those explaining why wearing headdresses like these is offensive in an illuminating post on MTV.com around the time that Pharrell was taking heat for wearing one on the cover of Elle.

“The headdress is reserved for our revered elders who, through their selflessness and leadership, have earned the right to wear one. It’s a spiritual garb, not just cultural; it’s not merely an addition to one’s attire. Wearing one, even an imitation headdress, belittles what our elders have spent a lifetime to earn.”

Naturally, all of the worst people you know are now complaining about how this violates their rights to self expression or whatever stupid argument you normally hear around such debates (like the Washington Redskins naming issue). But it’s interesting to see a big event like this take such a stand. Now if only we could get someone to make feathered crowns illegal we’d have most of the fashion faux pas of the past couple years covered.

@lukeoneil47

The tunafish sandwich is a staple of many American diets, but like almost everything else people do in this country, they’ve somehow managed to fuck up even the simplest of tasks. Here then is a foolproof recipe for making an elegant, refined tunafish sandwich like God intended them to be made.

Tunafish Sandwich

Ingredients:

1 (12 ounce) can solid white tuna

1/3 cup of mayonnaise

2 slices of white bread

5,000 bushels of celery or as much as you can purchase at once from your local market

Directions

1. Mix together mayonnaise and tuna in a bowl

2. Scoop tuna onto bread, then cover, in the “sandwich style” with the other slice of bread.

3. Throw all the celery in the garbage

@lukeoneil47

Image via