BULLETT

Rebecca Black has finally answered the cliffhanger at the end of her smash hit “Friday”, what happens after that? It’s “Saturday” of course. I’m not going to watch this long enough to be able fire up any jokes so you guys are on your own with this one. Is it good? Probably. It probably is.

Back in September when we were all remembering to never forget, and numerous brands were using 9/11 as an opportunity to sell us some stupid thing or other, we all put on our scolding pants and social media-shamed the practice. This wasn’t the first time brands had stepped in it when it came to a national tragedy as advertising opportunity of course, and, as we saw today in the tweet above (via via), it wouldn’t be the last.

We apologize for our recent tweet in remembrance of Pearl Harbor Day. We meant to pay respect, not to offend.

— SpaghettiOs (@SpaghettiOs) December 7, 2013

It could’ve been worse, I suppose.

Woh @SpaghettiOs really fucked up with this one. pic.twitter.com/ckpLyXrRMu

— Luke O’Neil (@lukeoneil47) December 7, 2013

This wasn’t the first controversy a Campbell Soup Company product was involved in on social media this week either. You remember the “epic” Twitter meltdown from Pace Salsa the other day? While parts of that seem to have been a hoax now, what happened in both of these instances? People everywhere began talking about Pace Salsa and SpaghettiOs. When was the last time you talked about either of those products? I haven’t even thought about the existence of SpaghettiOs in years. And yet, here we are, talking about them, thinking about them, having involuntary fond memories of eating them as a child.

I’m not suggesting that this Pearl Harbor tweet was a calculated move by the company to Inception themselves into the national consciousness today, but at this point if you’re a marketer you almost have to consider that as a viable option going forward, right? You can’t argue that it gets results.

“‘Dreamboy’ is about being single in New York. It’s not about one dream boy in particular, but really about a whole collection of experiences,” The Prettiots’ Kay Kasparhauser sats of the New York City trio’s irresistibly kewt ukelele strummer. “There this point where I was just going to bars and wanting to find the man of my dreams and marry him, so I never had to go to another bar again. I mean, of course I wasn’t going to meet any one I could marry because it was like fucking Black Market.”

She lays out what she has in mind for such a non-existent creature anyway. “Won’t you please just be perfect right away….Won’t you please just do everything right the first time and know without me saying just exactly what’s on my mind.”

It’s tongue in cheek and funny here, but it’s kind of true isn’t it? Where is that person? Show yourself, we’re all waiting.  

I know we’ve long known that guys’ brains are in their dicks, but a new design in the works from Microsoft seems to suggest that women do a lot of their thinking with their boobs. The smart bra design will contain sensors that keep track of your heart rate and heat levels, and then send signals back to your smart phone.(h/t Slate). Cool, but what in the good fuck would you want that?

It’s because you’re fat of course. Or at least worry about it. Ladies be watching their calories.

The aim was to find out if wearable technology could help prevent stress-related over-eating.

Mood data was provided to the wearer via a smartphone app in order to highlight when “emotional eating” was likely to occur.

A team from Microsoft’s visualisation and interaction research group embedded an electrocardiogram and electro-dermal activities sensors as well as a gyroscope and accelerometer in the bra.

In their paper, the researchers say using a bra “was ideal because it allowed us to collect EKG [electrocardiogram] near the heart”. BBC

Also near the heart? All of you ladies to me. Don’t change, you’re beautiful just the way you are. Unless you have a computer on your tits telling you to avoid ice cream, in which case I’m out of here.

While her old outfit Best Coast may have gotten a bit more polished of late, that dashed-off garage punk charm that made us fall for the band in the first place is in ample supply on Upset’s She’s Gone, the new project from ex-drummer Ali Koehler (also of Vivian Girls). We asked Koehler and the rest of the Los Angeles band, which also includes Patty Schemel of Hole and former La Sera guitarist Jenn Prince (super group!) to share some photos from their recent tour with Screaming Females. She’s Gone is out now on Don Giovanni Records.

Check out previous Photo Diaries with Femme, Liz, and TV Girl.

Nelson Mandela, the former South African President and goddamned inspiration to tens of millions of people around the world has died according to President Jacob Zuma.

Mandela, the country’s first black president and anti-apartheid icon known in South Africa by his clan name of Madiba, emerged from 27 years in apartheid prisons to help guide South Africa through bloodshed and turmoil to democracy.

In a nationally televised address, Zuma said Mandela would have a full state funeral. He ordered flags to be flown at half mast.

“Fellow South Africans, our beloved Nelson Rohlihla Mandela, the founding president of our democratic nation, has departed,” Zuma said.

“He passed on peacefully in the comfort of his home.”

Mandela rose from rural obscurity to challenge the might of white minority apartheid government – a struggle that gave the 20th century one of its most respected and loved figures. Reuters.

Speedy Ortiz are good. Their video for the song “No Below” is good. I like the video and the song, which are good. Maybe you will like them too? You’ll never know unless you watch it. That’s an inarguable fact right there, friend.

You can read more about the Massachusetts band here on Pitchfork, a music blog. I also asked the band some questions one time here on Buzzworthy, also a music blog. And that’s all the time we have for this blog post. See you in hell fuckers. Woh, this blog post took a surprisingly aggressive turn at the end there. Not sure what that was all about.

Anything that comes out of the mouth of Benedict Cumberbatch, the personification of English-ness, sounds 50% more regal and fraught with import.  Even some shitty R. Kelly lyrics, it turns out, as we learned on Jimmy Kimmel’s show last night, when both sex symbols were guests. Watch Cumberbatch, which is a name so goofily sexy it sounds like an R. Kelly lyric itself, recite some of the man’s lyrics. For example: “Body’s so freaking soft. I can’t wait to turn you on. You got me like la la la la la, baby. It’s how you make me feel baby. I can feel your body flowers, while I’m kissing on your thighs.”  (h/t)

It’s funny because he’s a white English guy and R. Kelly is an American black guy.

The unorthodox marketing plan for Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac continued in predictably unpredictable form last week, when the very NSFW trailer was accidentally shown at a theater near Tampa. NBD, right? Except it was during a screening for Disney’s Frozen, which as far as I can tell doesn’t feature any blow jobs. What’s a blow job, you might be asking right now, particularly if you’re a child in the Tampa area.

Lynn Greene of Largo was at the Regal Cinemas Park Place Stadium 16 with her grandchildren when it happened. She said there were some technical difficulties that delayed the start of the movie, so the theater temporarily played another cartoon.

“They put in the filler, it looked like ‘Steamboat Willie,’ the old Mickey Mouse cartoon, and then all of a sudden it goes into this other scene,” Greene said.

A spokesperson for Regal Cinemas said the other scene was part of the wrong movie playing accidentally.

Although the movie company said the clip only played for less than two minutes, Greene said it seemed to last much longer.

“It seemed like forever when you’re trying to, you know, cover a little guy’s eyes,” she said. “I didn’t have enough hands to cover his ears too and he got the sound down real good.” Fox Tampa Bay

One viewer in attendance claims it was the explicit clip, although a spokesman for Magnolia films says that would’ve been impossible. Like everything else on the internet now, however, the whole thing is probably made up.

@lukeoneil47

Nymphomaniac Official Trailer from Zentropa on Vimeo.

The pace of meme culture is so hectic of late that Selfies At Funerals is already old news, and teens everywhere are trying to get out ahead of the curve for the next trend by seeking out spots for selfies just before a funeral is even planned. The latest example of this came on the cover of the New York Post, the city’s chief depository of cover photos of clueless young people, who published a picture of a woman gazing happily into her own visage with a suicidal bridge jumper in the frame behind her.

In her defense… maybe she, uh, didn’t notice the guy? Doubtful, says the Post.

With scores of onlookers watching the dramatic 10 a.m. rescue by cops, the crass camerawoman turned her back to the scene, angled her phone toward the bridge, and snapped a shot.

The scarf-clad blonde even cracked a thin smile.

When approached by The Post afterward, she suddenly became camera-shy.

“I’d rather not,” she said when asked for her name. She then hustled out of Brooklyn Bridge Park.

Well, in a city of so many million people, you kind of have to assume that in any given selfie there’s something horrible going on in the background. I bet if you go back and scroll through the thousands you’ve taken over the years, you’re bound to uncover some sort of mystery or other. One you might start with is why you took all those selfies in the first place.