Coachella has become somewhat of a punching bag recently, with websites, this one included, taking aim at the predictable fashion and depressing corporatization of the annual music festival. But we’re sick of all the toxic negativity. Coachella is also a place where talented musicians come to share their art with tens of thousands of spirited young people who are just there to have a good time and listen to some music. So in that spirit, Myles Pettengill roamed the Empire Polo Grounds during week 2 with his loyal camera to capture some of that joy.
The answer to the above question would be no, but Mr. Parkinson was always one of my favorite teachers in high school. Mild-mannered but armed with a deadpan wit, he was one of those teachers that blurred the line between the guy who assigned you essays and the guy you could just shoot the shit with. It’s been 14 years since I graduated from Langstaff Secondary School in Richmond Hill, a suburb of Toronto, and I’m proud to call Mr. Parkinson a Facebook friend. Yesterday, Mr. Parkinson shared a YouTube video on his newsfeed with the comment, “Our proud, literate, and articulate Langstaff Grade 9s…” I thought to myself, This is nice, he’s sharing a a presentation by some of his students on the Gettysburg Address, or maybe the Battle of the Bulge. I wish Facebook was around during my era, so my teachers can share my presentations. Then I clicked the link and saw this:
It turns out that just like the teenagers in America, the teenagers in Canada are also rapping about clothes they can’t afford and women they don’t sleep with. The group goes by the name of ProdGangEnterprise (PGE for short) and they’re made up of five turnt up fuccbois trying to get money, rep their crew, and fuck bitches. It’s the Canadian dream. Shout out to producer Gooseboy, who should be hearing from Rick Ross’ people aaaaaany second now.
If you haven’t watched Sunday’s paradigm shifting episode of Game of Thrones but are planning to, then stop reading now. If you have, and want to be reminded that Westeros is not a real place and its denizens are merely regular humans doing paid work, then behold this photo of Jack Gleeson posing goofily in front of his character’s poisoned face. That character is of course King Joffrey, one of those most reviled villains in the history of TV, who last Sunday finally, finally got his by a mysterious murderer. Gleeson, an intellect who might never act again, got silly at a recent private screening and decided to remind everyone that “guys, it’s just a stupid TV show!!!!”
This is the internet, where clicks are currency and ‘hype’ is the golden path to accumulating said riches. Having said that, announcements don’t come much bigger than this. Page Six is reporting that Jay Z and Beyonce will break ticket sale records when they embark on a 20 stadium tour across the United States this summer. Sources are telling the Post‘s gossip column—so believe at your own risk—that the tour will start in late June and may crescendo with a July 4th gig in New York City. Pop music’s royal couple have appeared together on stage a number of times before, most recently at February’s Grammy’s to perform song of the century “Drunk in Love,” but this is some next level pop superstardom type shit. Instagram, prepare to get your ass kicked.
Opening Ceremony and Teva have teamed up for an exclusive capsule collection, says an email from Opening Ceremony. Teva is of course the iconic footwear brand largely associated with nature loving weirdos and internet artists. Opening Ceremony is the iconic clothing label and store largely associated with rich hipster tools and Chloe Sevigny (just kidding, we love Opening Ceremony). Together, they have made three sandals that will be available at OC beginning on May 23. ”We’ve been loyal fans and customers of Teva since we were kids, and we have always wanted to partner with this iconic footwear brand,” said OC co-honcho Humberto Leon. “We are excited to offer exclusively to our customers our favorite, classic Teva styles with a new point of view.”
That new POV means taking classic Teva designs and upping the ante for the new generation of OC costumers, people who really, really care about what they are wearing. For example, taking the Teva “Hurricane”—its most iconic model—and making it look metallic. Presto, the “Universal Hurricane.” There’s also going to be the “Gladiator Hurricane,” which you can see above, as well as the “Psyclone,” also available for viewing above.
The email from OC ends by saying the pair will be celebrating this collaboration with a pool part at Coachella this weekend featuring a performance from Bullett favorite FKA Twigs. We were not invited
Hot off the news that in a year from now, Stephen Colbert is going to whip his ass in the ratings, Jimmy Kimmel decided to remind the world that he is a relevant talk show host that can get one of the world’s biggest rap stars to poke fun at himself on camera. This is what happened last night when big rap star Drake appeared on Kimmel’s show to promote his upcoming and rather confusing hosting gig at the ESPYs, by dressing up in a wig and beard, and hitting the streets to ask unsuspecting normals what they thought of Drake. It’s hard to imagine that any of these people actually know who Drake is, given that someone who looks and sounds exactly like Drake asked them what they thought about Drake on camera. It is also possible that these people know who Drake is, but do not live and breathe Drake, like we do. Amyway, fun clip.
The first time Emma Watson played with her giant breasts, then peeled her face off to reveal that she was Sofia Vergara all along, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was playing and I was coming apart on angel dust. The second time it happened, I was surfing the internet in my underwear and realizing that I would never amount to anything.
When Tavi Gevinson touched on her hopes and dreams for the future in this awesome profile we just happened to publish last fall, Broadway star was not mentioned at all. Now we feel cheated, hurt, and lied to, because the Chicago Tribune is reporting that Gevinson will make her Broadway debut this fall in the latest rendition of Kenneth Lonergan’s 1996 play This Is Our Youth. The Rookie empress will play opposite cherubic boytoys Michael Cera and Kieran Culkin—who starred together in a Sydney production of the play in 2012—as three rich, jaded Manhattanites being young and fucked up in an Upper West Side apartment in 1982. Gevinson, who made her acting debut last year in Nicole Holofcener’s Enough Said, will play a 17-year old ”anxiously insightful” fashion student who comes over and is sucked into the portal of dejection and manipulation of the two other boys. She had this to say about the part:
“I guess Jessica is often played by people who are older and have more distance from that time. But I am living it. I really am cocksure of all my opinions, and I really do feel anxious when challenged. My issue, I think, will be having to zoom out of what I actually am experiencing.”
The play, which is to be directed by Anna D. Shapiro (currently directing James Franco and Chris O’Dowd on Broadway in Of Mice and Men) will make its debut at Chicago’s legendary Steppenwolf Upstairs Theatre on June 10, and then reopen in Broadway’s Cort Theater on August 18th. This means that Gevinson will miss her last few weeks of high school, which is a shame, because if anyone needs to pass algebra, it’s her.
Elle got the incomparable Tavi Gevinson to interview the incomparable Miley Cyrus for their May issue. This is called good magazining, future editors of America. No one in the last year has been more overexposed than Ms. Cyrus—we are referring here to constant press coverage but also nudity—so it was a slick move on Elle‘s part to get Tavi Gevinson, who in many people’s eyes is the professional opposite to Cyrus, to speak with her. Look: we are writing about it now, and you are reading it.
Though the two might seem like two different sides on two very different coins—one is a thoughtful role model to young women, the other a twerking psychopath—they were able to at least agree on one thing.
TG: I read that you consider yourself a feminist. What does that mean to you?
MC: I’m just about equality, period. It’s not like, I’m a woman, women should be in charge! I just want there to be equality for everybody.
TG: Right! And that’s what feminism is.
MC: I still don’t think we’re there 100 percent. I mean, guy rappers grab their crotch all fucking day and have hos around them, but no one talks about it. But if I grab my crotch and I have hot model bitches around me, I’m degrading women? I’m a woman—I should be able to have girls around me! But I’m part of the evolution of that. I hope.\
The entire interview is not online but you can read an excerpt here.
At this point, it’s fairly well established that if you’re going to Coachella you’re a loser and part of the problem and probably fat. But according to the NY Daily News, there’s also a chance that you’re a mid-level starlet looking to cash in. They report that Glee star Lea Michele is being paid $20,000 by Lacoste to wear their clothes at the festival which kicks off this Friday, while Vanessa Hudgens scored $15,000 from McDonald’s to attend while dressed as the Hamburgler. Aaron Paul has gotten word out that he wants $15,000 plus two VIP passes to attend, while rumor has it that Kate Bosworth is seeking double that. On that note, this might be a good time to add that BULLETT is also looking for money to attend the festival, but we are demanding $7 billion. Please email email@example.com if you want in.