April Fool’s Day has been catching a lot of grief lately from the self-appointed humor police online. They need to lighten up. It’s the one day a year when we all get to put aside our obsession with the serious problems of the world, share a collective laugh, and, if only briefly, take delight in the absurd existential horror that makes up modern life. The key to any effective hoax, however, is that it has to maintain the essence of believability while toeing the line of the absurd. Here are a few of our favorite April Fool’s Pranks so far.
Homophobic Catholics being discriminated against
Cardinal Donald Wuerl, archbishop of Washington, told Fox News he’s worried that Catholics will be discriminated against for discriminating against homosexuals.
“The only thing I worry about is someone saying to me, ‘You, because you believe that sex is intended for marriage and because you believe that marriage is indissoluble and because you believe that marriage is between a man and a woman that somehow you don’t belong here, that somehow this is bigotry or this is hate speech.’ That’s what I worry about. There has to be room enough in a society as large, as free as pluralistic as America to make space for all of us.”
LOL. Just kidding, that would be a ridiculously implausible thing for any rational, thinking person with a shred of empathy in their shriveled up hearts to say.
Robots in the sky spying on Americans a boon for industry
The jokesters at Mother Jones have a report today about how a boom in drone manufacturing would be good business for a declining aeronautics industry. Northrup Grumman stock price is on the rise with the prospect of an uptick in domestic uses for unmanned aircraft.
Indeed, lean times in the public sector appear to be helping drone manufacturers, as they pitch unmanned aircraft as cheaper replacements for a wide range of activities involving human labor and/or dangerous conditions. “We can capitalize on this budget-constrained environment to keep this development going,” explained Janis Pamiljans, Northrup Grumman’s head of unmanned air systems.
Classic. We are all about the privacy of our citizens in this country. NICE TRY MOTHER JONES. Think you oversold it a bit with the caricature of defense contractors laughing off the whole privacy thing.
The drone industry acknowledges that privacy concerns are its single biggest obstacle. At the conference, AUVSI president Mike Toscano showed a photograph of his toddler grandson on an iPad. “These [young] people know connectivity,” he said. “They don’t know privacy, because they’ve never had it. So we could just wait this thing out!” Everyone laughed. The crowd didn’t figure commercializing drones will take nearly that long.
Music critics hold a valued position in contemporary discourse
Hollywood Reporter chimes in with this gem of a laugher on how, despite their decreasing importance in the larger cultural conversation, music critics actually are vital.
Music criticism, whether written by a musician or a blogger or a skilled teacher who reads sheet music and plays four instruments, is not about what’s good or bad. It’s not about categorizing the creative experience into a letter grade. The role of the critic is to contextualize, to generate an understanding of how our world is being reflected in popular culture and how that reflection compares to what came before. The critic helps the listener understand what they’re listening to and how it fits into music’s big picture. Is everyone currently writing for a blog qualified to offer this context? Maybe not, but it’s still a discourse worth pursuing, and Azerrad’s site, for one, allows musicians an equal voice in this conversation.
Bahaha,whatever you say pal. As if a single person in the world reads the words around the YouTube embed on a music site, aka “filler”, before skipping ahead to the song itself and deciding on their own whether or not it’s worth listening to. Get a job, hippie.
Man sentenced to life in prison for stealing socks
Rolling Stone apparently think that their readers are some realllly gullible marks, because this report from the weekend about a California man sentenced to life in prison after stealing a pair of socks, due to the state’s draconian three-strikes law, just really overshoots with an implausible premise.
Wilkerson is unlucky, but he’s hardly alone. Despite the passage in late 2012 of a new state ballot initiative that prevents California from ever again giving out life sentences to anyone whose “third strike” is not a serious crime, thousands of people – the overwhelming majority of them poor and nonwhite – remain imprisoned for a variety of offenses so absurd that any list of the unluckiest offenders reads like a macabre joke, a surrealistic comedy routine.
The injury was so gruesome that CBS decided to halt replays of the injury after showing it two times.
The brutal mishap occurred after Ware jumped to contest a 3-pointer by Tyler Thornton. Ware’s leg buckled when he landed. Nearly six seconds ran off the clock before the officials, at Pitino’s urging, stopped the game with 6:33 left in the first half. ABC
“JK U GUYS,” Ware said later that night, bouncing on a trampoline in super-cool-guy sunglasses, then jumping a skateboard over a basketball net. APRIL FOOLS. Legs don’t just explode like that on their own out of nowhere.