BULLETT

I certainly figured that Pitbull would find a way out of the conspiracy to send him to a Walmart in Kodiak, Alaska to play a free show. After all, Justin Bieber found a way to avoid going to North Korea. (“Fake contest,” my leg.) But lo and behold, the Walmart Kodiak Facebook has created an event page for the concert, which will take place on Monday. It starts at 11:30 a.m. Alaskan time, though no one can line up before 10:30. (Alcohol and tailgating are also explicitly discouraged.) Before I refreshed, I counted only 26 attendees, a number that will surely blow up as the Internet gets ahold of it. Wildly enough, Kodiak’s population was tracked at 6,130 in the 2010 census, which is just a little bit bigger than the average size of NYU’s freshman class. Which means this thing could be sparsely attended on a positively spooky level—I mean, imagine anything weirder than a Pitbull concert filled up by the morning staff and a few bored kids. He’s legendary for pumping up the crowd, but what if there’s no crowd to pump? It sounds like it could be a spectacularly singular event; any magazine editor who wants to pay the four-figure flight fare to fund the event piece of a lifetime, get at me.