January 31, 2013

On Wednesday, a restaurant receipt left at an Applebees in St Louis, in which the diner wrote in the tip section “I give 10% to God, why do you get 18%” and “Pastor” before leaving $0, went viral on the Atheism page on Reddit. The check, for $34.93 included an automatic gratuity of 18%, $6.29, or, just about enough to buy God an order of jalapeno poppers at happy hour discount prices. A server at the restaurant posted a picture of the tip online and was promptly fired, because America.

The Smoking Gun tracked down the pastor, whose identity was ferreted out by internet sleuths, the honorable Alois Bell, who feels bad about it now, maybe because of some serious reflection about the concept of charity and helping one’s fellow man, but mostly because the world has seen what a piece of shit she is.

“My heart is really broken,” Bell said. “I’ve brought embarrassment to my church and ministry.” Because what kind of God-fearing woman eats at Applebees, she probably meant.

That didn’t stop her from calling the restaurant and demanding everyone be fired. Not just the server in question, everyone.

The January 25 meal came after an evening service at the Truth in the World Deliverance Ministries church, said Bell, who added that five adults and five children were in the group that dined at Applebee’s (a traditional post-service destination for church members). The subsequent bill was divided up amongst the parties.

Five children were involved too? There should be an automatic gratuity of ten million % any time those french fry-rug-smashing heathens come into the picture.

The concept of tipping is a controversial one, and as someone who has worked in the industry myself over the years, I don’t understand why an employer gets to pay workers well below minimum wage just because a stranger might feel guilted into paying my salary.

“But the system being flawed is not an excuse for not paying for services rendered,” the waitress, Chelsea, told Consumerist. “I posted a picture to make people laugh — but now I want to make a serious point. Things like this happen to servers all the time. I’ve had worse tips just in the last month. People seem to think that the easiest way to save money on a night out is to skip the tip. But when you don’t tip a good server, that means that server might move on to a better job. And a worse server might take their place. When you tip a good server well, you are ensuring good service.”

God himself was unavailable for comment, but based on His track record, it’s pretty safe to say his response would’ve been something like “Fuck that poor bitch, I worked for mine. No free lunch, especially at lunch.”

What do you think? Are these fatcat Applebees waitresses living high on the hog and stealing food out of your babies mouths even while they bring that same food to your actual baby’s actual mouth? Or are some people just really, really cheap?

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