The New York Times brings us news in the long line of investigations into sex studies from No Shit University today, in a piece about how many women often find it harder than men to achieve orgasm during hookups. Which, by the way, gross. “Achieving” orgasm makes it sound like earning a degree or passing an exam.
The sexual revolution, while promising both sexes equal access to casual sex, hasn’t played out on equal footing when it comes to, you know, actually enjoying it, Natalie Kitroeff writes.
She points to a study this year that found that women were twice as likely to achieve/earn/graduate to orgasm in established relationships than they were in one night stands, and another broader, longer term study that found similar disparities in the reports that women fill out on the comment cards that are left out next to the bed on their first time with a regular partner, as opposed to random ass sex. Random-ass sex I mean.
Similarly, a survey of 24,000 students at 21 colleges over five years found that 42 percent of women had an orgasm during their last hookup involving intercourse, while 80 percent of men did. The survey was led by Paula England, a sociologist at New York University who studies the dynamics of casual sex.
By contrast, 74 percent of women in the survey said they had an orgasm the last time they had sex in a committed relationship.
“We attribute that to practice with a partner, which yields better success at orgasm, and we also think the guys care more in a relationship,” Dr. England said.
Indeed, young men surveyed in Dr. England’s study often admitted that they are less focused on sexually pleasing a woman they are seeing casually than one they are dating.
There are all sorts of reasons for this of course, the first being that the female orgasm is an Illuminati conspiracy, but two of the most important come from many women’s reluctance, or inability, to be assertive when it comes to new sexual partners, and men being what is known in scientific terms as “selfish pieces of shit.”
To help alleviate this in some small way, here are a few basic terms of service that we’d like to see instituted across the board:
If you’re having sex with a dude that shows no interest whatsoever in helping facilitate/collaborating with you on/getting a co-producer credit on your orgasm, that is the last time you offer him the opportunity.
That’s not to say that it has to work the first time, we know it’s often a complex blend of criteria involved, but a modicum of effort has to be offered. This doesn’t seem that radical a suggestion, does it? If someone shows up in your office applying for a job and they don’t have their resume or references available, you wouldn’t give them a follow up interview, right? Of course not. Think of filling the position of your vagina the same way.
That said, make sure you list the expectations of the job upfront. Just as no one knows how to walk into a lab or a factory or an office and operate all of the machinery or files on their first day on board, a lot of times we straight dudes just don’t really know where the controls are on this thing.
To make matters worse, the instruction manual they hand us (porn) is full of faulty information.
Unless you’re dealing with a real sociopath, which, knowing most young guys you very well may be, it’s a lot more enjoyable for us if you’re enjoying it too. Unlike when we’re driving somewhere, most guys aren’t afraid to ask for directions during sex. A woman who knows what she wants and is able to tell us how to get there is vastly preferable to one that’s inscrutable. In other words, help us help you.