Film & TV

Suggestions For How to Kill Off Charlie On ‘Girls’ Now That He’s Quit the Show

Film & TV

Suggestions For How to Kill Off Charlie On ‘Girls’ Now That He’s Quit the Show


Christopher Abbott, who plays Charlie on HBO’s Girls, aka the most mysteriously and improbably successful app entrepreneur/recipient of the most-improved cunnilingus-giver award, has abruptly quit the show, the New York Post (via Gawker) reports. Sources told the Post that Abbott and Lena Dunham had begun butting heads.

“They’ve just started work on Season 3, and Chris is at odds with Lena,” they write. “He didn’t like the direction things are going in, which seems a bit odd since the show put him on the map.”

His rep confirmed the rumors:

“[Chris] is grateful for the experience of collaborating with Lena, Judd [Apatow], and the entire ‘Girls’ cast and crew, but right now he’s working on numerous other projects and has decided not to return to the show.”

We’ll miss you Charlie. You’ll be remembered as having been a mostly good dude, but more importantly, really, really fucking cute.

*writes ten thousand words on what this means for women in entertainment*

That said, it’s going to be hard for Dunham and company to figure out how to write a graceful exit for the character, who we last saw rekindling his love for Marnie, and at the top of the development game, which, as everyone knows, is the golden ticket to that good app money everyone is throwing around nowadays, so here are a few suggestions for how they might kill him off:

1) Vagina suffocation. Intoxicated by Charlie’s new-found mouth-skills (ugh, mouth-skills—just grossed myself out with that one), Marnie locks her paramour in a Hulk Hogan-style leg-lock hold from which he never surfaces. Realizing that she’ll no longer have access to his money, she shrugs it off and rolls the body off the top of a roof, then stares wistfully off into the distance for five minutes before going back downstairs to try on new dresses for the big art opening.

2) Three words: “Shirtless Adam rage.”

3) Charlie’s app company turns out to have been a front for New York City’s largest meth-manufacturing business. A rival app developer, looking to take control of the territory, plants a bomb inside of Hannah’s tub of whip cream, which detonates in the middle of a dinner party, blowing off half of Charlie’s face. He walks out of the room, straightens his hair, and falls to the ground silently.

4) Booth Jonathan video-installation death trap.

5) He never existed. Charlie is revealed to have been an episode of collective psychosis from the gang. This is believable because every single one of these broads is crazy as fuck.

6) Mopes self to death.

7) Charlie dies of preeclampsia during child-birth. Marnie flees to Ireland.

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9) “Charlie died on the way back to his home planet.”


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