Let me first just say that the early 2000’s, while highly entertaining, were the least fashionable time ever. Really take a moment to consider the things that were “cool” then. Low-rise, embellished denim, trucker hats, pleated micro-mini skirts… the list goes on. The “must have” items of this time period (and I would know, because I, embarrassingly, had nearly all of them) were Von Dutch hats (and, if you were really cool, Von Dutch jeans), True Religions, Uggs and/or Mukluks, anything embellished with rhinestones and, of course, Juicy Couture tracksuits. It was an ugly, ugly time, my friends.
And now, for whatever reason, this shitstain on our fashion timeline is having some nostalgia-induced resurgence. First there was i-D’s love letter to 2007, declaring this, like, the best year ever, which, by the way, is simply not true, guys. Sure, the tabloid stories were hilarious, but we seem to have forgotten that Lindsay Lohan’s life was really, you know, sad and Britney’s breakdown wasn’t “awesome,” but heartbreaking. And am I the only one that remembers that while all these celebs were doing crazy shit the rest of us were in a pretty serious recession? Then Vogue declared that it would be so. Vogue, why you gotta associate with this bullshit?
Anyway, Kylie Jenner decides to throw on a Von Dutch hat (probably a hand-me-down from Kim) and all of a sudden the early 2000’s are back. Latest case in point? Bloomingdales is bringing back the Juicy Couture tracksuit in made up colors like “Top Hat” (AKA black) and “Whisper Pink” (AKA pink).
Guys, I’m begging you, we have to stop this thing. This is like that scene in Lost where Jack, safely home from the smoke monster-guarded island, goes to Kate “We have to go back.” No, we do not have to go back. The island was awful, these clothes are awful, please for the love of God make it stop.