We were growing tired of waiting to see Kanye West’s long-awaited video for “All Day / I Feel Like That” – he teased the Steve McQueen-directed film at fashion week last March. You know what else is growing tired? Kanye West, who spends the 9-minute, one-take video running in circles in an empty warehouse. The video, which was apparently a leak, has since been removed. But fear not, for I suffered through all nine minutes so you don’t have to.
Minute 1: It begins with Kanye West swaying back and forth, looking tired. He’s already tired and he hasn’t even begun moving around yet! He starts rapping and jumping around a bit. He’s wearing a forest green t-shirt and a gold chain. I can’t see what color his pants are yet, but I can’t wait to find out.
Minute 2: More jumping around. Some chest beating. Kanye takes a short breather. Some brisk pacing followed by full-blown running. Still no sign of Kanye’s pants. I hope he isn’t wearing pants.
Minute 3: It seems like Kanye is trying to get away from the camera’s gaze, but Steve McQueen is an Oscar-winning director so he does not succeed. More running in circles. I catch a glimpse of Kanye’s black skinny jeans. He is also wearing Yeezy’s. That was anticlimactic.
Minute 4: Visibly exhausted, Kanye walks around slowly with his hands in the air. He puts his hands down. More walking. He crouches down to bop around a bit and take some deep breathes.
Minute 5: Kanye walks over to a wooden wall and leans against it. He pants some more. You’d think he’d be in better shape. I catch a better look at his bottom grills, which appear diamond-encrusted. He really isn’t looking too hot – someone should get him some water.
Minute 6: He sits down on the floor, which looks a little dirty. He shuts his eyes. Should someone call a medic? Is he still breathing? Oh no wait, he’s rapping again. Guys, he’s going to be okay!
Minute 7: In the words of Kanye West’s on-again-off-again nemesis Taylor Swift, are we out of the woods? He’s responsive but he still looks pretty out of it.
Minute 8: The camera pulls out. West is still wearing the same pants.
Minute 9: The camera pulls way out. West looks weak and defeated. I too am feeling weak and defeated, for having suffered through that nightmare.
So there you have it, a running (lolz) commentary of nine minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Thanks for nothing, Kanye.