The trend of unicorn-themed products marketed toward adult women has been a thing for a while now — from rainbow highlighter to a makeup line emblazoned with Lisa Frank designs, cosmetic companies have figured out that the best way to make us buy shit to smear on our boring, grown-up faces is to remind us of our halcyon days as children obsessed with single-horned fantasy ponies. But, thankfully, the craze has been largely limited to makeup. Until now, that is.
A British shoe company called Irregular Choice has created the ultimate mash-up of current trends — a Millennial Pink high-top sneaker covered in glitter, faux fur, and metallic patches with an actual unicorn face on the tongue. It’s athleisure meets imaginary. It’s an annoyingly cute abomination tailor-made for the Instagram age. And it comes in two colorways.
For $165, you can beat the once-cool athleisure horse (no pun intended) to absolute, unequivocal death while signaling to fast fashion retailers that you’re fine with being infantilized as long as it yields products that are shiny and fun to photograph. But unless you’re some kind of tutu-wearing, furry legwarmer-sporting, pacifier-sucking rave goddess (the only kind of person I can imagine a sickeningly sweet sartorial confection like this looking somewhat natural on), please don’t.