Perhaps not assured that his manifold conflicts of interest regarding his business empire are going to pay off quickly enough, the Donald Trump campaign is offering supporters an exciting chance to own a part of history in the form of a Make America Great Again hat ornament. And it can be yours in time for Christmas, all for the low price of $149.
Unsurprisingly, every aspect of the email pitch, sent from the campaign, is just downright bizarre.
“Friend,” it begins, which is never a creepy way to address someone, “I’ve got just the gift for you and every President-Elect Trump fan on your Christmas list…” President-Elect “fans”? That’s definitely a normal way to refer to voters. Even that ellipses is creeping me out. WHAT DOES IT ALLUDE TO? What is being left unsaid!?
“We’ve created a collectible Make America Great Again Christmas ornament in the shape of the classic red MAGA hat, finished with 14k gold,” it continues. Ah, finished with 14k gold, only the fanciest of finishes, and definitely not a collection of words meant to suggest the illusion of quality.
It gets weirder from there.
“President-elect Trump loves Christmas and makes a point of proudly saying ‘Merry Christmas’ every chance he gets.” As one does. Everyone knows the more times you say it, the merrier the Christmas will be.
“This collectible ornament commemorates Trump’s commitment to the Christmas spirit and will be a great addition to your family’s tree this year.”
Do you not have a commitment to the Christmas spirit, heretic?
While all of that would be enough under normal circumstances to raise the hairs on the back of your neck, the sign off is probably my favorite part. Here it is:
Trump Store Manager
What possible work is in the inclusion of a picture of Alex, Trump Store Manager, a blandly attractive young white woman, supposed to be doing here? Am I meant to have become so horned-up off this tiny, tiny picture that I get so confused I pull out my credit card instead of my dick?
The world no longer makes any sense.
In case you’re wondering if it’s weird for a president elect to still be selling merch, it’s technically just a donation, the site’s FAQ assures us. And no, you cannot cancel your order.
Since transactions made on our campaign store site are contributions to Trump Make America Great Again Committee. [sic] and are not transactions for the purchase of goods, we unfortunately cannot cancel or offer credit card refunds. However, any merchandise which arrives damaged or does not fit correctly will gladly be exchanged for another size or item of equal value within 14 days of purchase.For additional information please see our Shipping & Returns policy located here: shop.donaldjtrump.com/pages/shipping-returns