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This Video of Ted Cruz as a Teen Proves He Was Always an Unfunny Turd

News

This Video of Ted Cruz as a Teen Proves He Was Always an Unfunny Turd

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For some people it takes decades to grow into the character you were always inevitably destined to become. For others it emerges to the surface very early on in life. In the case of the junior senator from the large state of Texas, and some how less appealing candidate for the Republican nomination than Donald Trump Ted Cruz, it seems that he’s never been anything less than fully actualized.

A video that emerged over the weekend of an 18 year old Cruz speaking outside Second Baptist School in Houston in1988 shows him as we now know him today: arrogant, creepy af, and, above all, dreadfully, woefully unfunny.

Check out this opener:

“Aspirations? Is that like sweat on my butt?” he cracks to the unseen and unheard from narrator. There is no laughter, but the fountain he’s seated on groans as if in pain.

 

 

Undaunted, Cruz regroups, and feints at answering the question sincerely this time, but the allure of the wisecrack drives him, and he attempts another. His aspiration, what he wants to do in life, he says, is to star in a “teen tit film”, which, if you think about it, pretty much came true with this video.

There’s more to his ambitions than that, of course, as he goes on: “Other than that? Take over the world. World domination. You know, rule everything. Rich, powerful. That sort of stuff.”