I wish I currently loved anything as much as I loved The Hills in the early 2000s. We were a little bit dumber then, just dumb enough to suspend our disbelief for 20 minutes every week and dive head first into the petty dramas of a group of white (super white) rich people. And, for a while, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were the main attraction (Spencer, specifically). They were the perfect reality TV villains: deranged, aloof and, in Spencer’s case, with the eyes of a madman. It was glorious.
During that era, it was impossible to check out at CVS (or, in my case, Shoppers Drug Mart) without seeing Speidi on the cover of a tabloid, so it’s only fitting that six years after The Hills went off the air, the couple would debut their baby on the cover of Us. It’s also hilarious that amidst the shitstorm of actual, important drama going on in Hollywood (and less important but equally gripping drama, like FKA Twigs and Robert Pattinson calling off their engagement) Speidi and their “miracle baby” nabbed the cover. I guess the mag had already paid them. And if you’re wondering what Speidi did with the money, it might have gone towards the $27,000 worth of crystals in the delivery room.
Shout out @crystalarium1 for dropping off $27,000 in crystals for the birth
— Pratt Daddy (@spencerpratt) October 2, 2017
Anyway, everything about this makes me yearn for a simpler time, when The Hills was the most important thing in my universe. Before a crazy person took office and every woman in the world stood up and said, “hey, we’ve literally all been sexually harassed and/or assaulted by men in positions of power. None of this is surprising to any of us but yes, let’s talk about it.” So take a moment and gaze into Spencer’s madman eyes and be transported to a simpler time. It’s Friday, you deserve it.
Oh, and they named their baby Gunner Stone. Gunner. Fucking. Stone.