News

There Are Allegedly Five Woman Willing To Have An Affair With Ted Cruz

News

There Are Allegedly Five Woman Willing To Have An Affair With Ted Cruz

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Human Disney villain Ted Cruz is having a bad day. No, he did not catch one too many glimpses of his tragic, unsettling appearance in a shiny surface, the National Enquirer (insert monstrous grain of salt here) broke that the Texas senator and presidential hopeful has had not one but five extramarital affairs. That’s right, Ted Cruz is, allegedly, getting more action than most.

Everyone loves a sex scandal, even a farfetched one broken by a questionable outlet based on information from a “Washington insider,” so it comes as little surprise that #CruzSexScandal is trending on Twitter. Not only is it a hotbed of politically charged tweets, it goes without saying that it’s a solid foundation on which to base jokes. So far this one is my favorite:

Just when you thought this election couldn’t get any dumber. Never has the term “bumping uglies” been more appropriate.