If you’ve spent the last few years of your life hypothesizing the next twist in R. Kelly’s mind-bending, career-altering saga, Trapped in the Closet—and we know you have—IFC is taking it to another level. The expanding network announced yesterday that it has ordered a new series of episodes from the R&B eccentric to air later this year. It’s been nearly seven years since Kelly dropped the first chapters of his maniacal hip-hop operetta, and by 2007, when he released chapters 13-22, it had become a bona fide phenomenon. So in honor of this earth-shaking movie, here are the three most outrageous moments from the original Trapped in the Closet.
Chapter 10: In Which Big Man Craps His Pants
After a thorough search of his kitchen and an argument with his wife Bridget, policeman James discovers the stripper midget Big Man hiding in the cabinet under his sink. After a quick fight, James pulls a gun on Big Man, demanding to know why the exotic dancer was at his house with Bridget and who paid him to keep quiet about it. And then, as Kelly puts it succinctly, “The midget says, ‘God, I think I just shitted on myself.'” The chapter ends as Sylvester (played by Kelly) and his brother-in-law Twan—recently released from prison and subsequently shot accidentally during a tussle between Sylvester and James—burst in the door, “sniffing around, trying to figure out, what’s that smell.”
Chapter 19: In Which We Meet Pimp Lucius and His Speech Impediment
One morning at church, the Revered Mosley James Evans attempts to convince Pimp Lucius, outrageously dressed all in canary yellow, to give up his life of sin and devote himself to God. Pimp Lucius appears amenable to the idea at first, but later reveals to his deputy Bishop Craig that he is only in church that day with a cousin. As he opens his mouth to speak, he also reveals a pronounced stutter, telling Bishop Craig that he will never “s-s-s-stop p-p-p-pimping.” He continues, “P-p-p-pimping’s for life.” He then pulls Bishop Craig and a trio of recruits towards the door, exhorting them, “Let’s go get this m-m-m-money.”
Chapter 22: In Which Everyone Has AIDS
In the final chapter to-date, the main characters from the previous twenty-one installments are seen on the phone frantically trying to reach their numerous and tangled sexual partners with news that they may have “the Package,” which many have taken as a coded reference to AIDS or another sexually-transmitted disease. At this point, Trapped in the Closet, which until now has been largely an over-the-top celebration of excess in a large number of forms, takes on the tone of a morality tale. With expressions of varying strain and anxiety, the characters are forced to face the consequences of their various adulteries, confronted by the pervasive threat of illness or even death. Of course, knowing R. Kelly, the Package could just as easily be a box of jellybeans. Only time will tell.