Like anything, working in publicity can quickly become a brain drain as one finds a way to keep getting excited about promoting other people’s shit for a living; it’s only out of good taste that most writers and editors don’t keep a running blog post titled “The Stupidest Press Releases We’ve Ever Seen,” since who would want to embarrass so many people who are just trying to do their job? That said, this is the stupidest press release I’ve ever seen—an intensely enthusiastic explanation of Budweiser’s new can, which is shaped like a bowtie. Here are some of the things being said about this can, which will revolutionize the way we drink Budweiser:
“This can is incomparable, like nothing you’ve ever seen before. The world’s most iconic beer brand deserves the world’s most unique and innovative can. I think we have it here.”
“This can is certainly a conversation starter: eye-catching, easy-to-grip, trendy and – according to our research – very appealing to young adults. It’s a beer can like no other.”
Incomparable! Innovative! Like nothing we’ve ever seen before. This is not a spaceship we’re talking about, or a renovation of the tax code—this is a beer can, which deserves its special accolades. Just look at how much science went into this thing:
“We explored various shapes that would be distinguishable in the marketplace, but also viable from an engineering standpoint. Aluminum can be stretched only about 10 percent without fracturing, which requires that the angles of the bowtie be very precise.”
That’s exactly what all those engineers went to school for, yeah? To make a beer can like no other that will test the limits of metalwork and what should be possible for a beer can. Consider me sold! I’m so excited to snap into a six-pack when they go on the market next month.