It’s Friday and I’m mildly hungover and feeling particularly lowbrow, so rather than write you all another 2500+ word exhaustive political manifesto that 41 people will read the first 2 paragraphs of, I’m gonna play TMZ with another round of “wait, how even the fuck am I still writing about Brian Lichtenberg?” Since the popularity of the touchpad ruined Minesweeper, let me help you waste an extra 3 minutes of the time between now and 5:30pm, unless of course you’re like me and are working from your lap, still in pajamas while you ponder the overwhelming futility of the human condition. Moving on…
I conjured up a brief missive almost exactly a month ago wondering how original B.Licht’s idea was for his ill-advised and potentially disastrous prescription drug t-shirts. TBH, I didn’t think much else of it, but then everyone who RT’ed my article’s dogsitter’s best friend’s sister got a questionably-worded cease and desist letter demanding that they remove any reference to the not-glowing-but-hardly-slanderous content from the face of Brian Lichtenberg’s green earth. On top of that, the company’s sales chief started harassing a random (and seemingly chill) college student on twitter, telling her to lawyer up for retweeting our link, along with the precursory “LOL”, prompting me to write another piece, entitled “The Brian Lichtenberg P.R. Nightmare” (Part 1? 2? We’ve lose count.). It goes without saying that all this is separate from his possible unpaid-intern woes, the lawsuit he is currently bringing against his own brother, Chris Lichtenberg of Alex + Chloe, for rights to the “Ballin” Balmain photoshop that, while totes witty for 5 seconds 6-12 months ago, is a tweaked copy itself (props to The Fashion Law for the thorough and concise write-up).
Speaking of The Fashion Law, an anonymous commenter and possible part of Lichtenberg’s crack team of marketing wizards has been popping up on Lichtenberg-only articles since August, leaving gems (which have since been removed like the rubbish they are) such as “Those e-mails are private – pretty sure you’re gonna get sued for posting private information. I hope you do get sued and this crappy blog gets shut down. Don’t waste precious cyber space on me! -Love Brian.” and “Why don’t you approve all comments? Maybe you’re a pathetic “writer” with no real journalistic integrity. Learn how to spell you idiot and maybe eat something – you look like a wannabe anorexic model (which you’re not due to the state of your face – yuck)”. There’s also my personal favorite, “HAHAHA YOU UGLY IDIOT DO YOU THINK YOUR POST HAS AFFECTED OUR SALES? GO EAT SOMETHING – WILL SEND U A HOMIES TEE IF U PUT ON SOME POUNDS U UGLY UGLY HORSE”. Cuntié indeed.
Lichtenberg must be BALLIN to keep cool amidst the sheer amount of legal threats and news being bandied around by ex-interns, big pharma, and his own brother alike; personally we can handle the odd cease and desist, but this is all just too much. And frankly, it’s getting harder and harder to have any sympathy for a company that allegedly ganks basic ideas from other people and exploits free labor, and definitely needs to #turndown the tantrum factor just a few notches. I feel like we’re all peeling back the skin of a rotting piece of fruit, and what’s underneath just looks less and less appetizing with each passing minute. What will be next?