Many people live in The City, which is how they refer to New York City in The City. Unlike other cities, New York City, aka The City, has crazy hot summers, which people are forced to suffer through on the sidewalks and in apartments and various places of business. Here are some of the worst things about the summer in New York City, one of the top cities in America, which is currently experiencing summer heat. (h/t Buzzfeed).
1. When your bike turns into a dumpster and it’s like…fml should’ve got a fixie
2. No place to park your fan-mobile without getting blocked in by orange traffic cones anymore. Thanks a lot, Bloomberg.
3. Blue circles hovering over everyone’s tits like what is this?
4. Way too many tourists in Midtown.
5. Summers in New York City in the 90s were the best tho.
6. Who designed this park, Hitler? NOT COOL.
7. Cultural appropriation is offensive on the subway.
8. Dudes in glasses looking at you on the subway, it’s like, creepppppyy. Just, come on, check your privilege for once.
9. It’s hard to find a good slice of New York City pizza because of summer cheese shortages which shut down much of the restaurant business for months at a time.
10. Stinky clouds of hot meat air wafting off the street carts from all the children who are out of school for the summer.
11. Tough to find the right lighting to strike a balance between moody and clear when taking photos to let everyone know where you’re partying.
12. Three words: Nerd dick. Two words anyway.
13. That one lady in every office who’s all “LOL I’m a big fucking dead zombie frozen to death and my skin is blue. What do you guys want to do for lunch?
14. Sentient coffee beings controlling your mind.
15. This one guy Rick on the phone here. Fucking Rick. Always with the phone this guy.
16. People be hiding your water behind fans. NOT GOOD. You need to drink that water because it’s hot out…
17. Suicide rates climb in the summer months :(.
18. The dehumanizing monotony of modern architecture raises blood pressure leading to heat stroke and increasing incidences of weltschmerz.
19. Old ladies are mad at you for being young and having supple bosoms.
20. No one wants to come over to your hot apartment which means they won’t ever see the Pynchon and New Yorkers you’ve left around, artfully:
21. Too hot for bangs.
But just when you think you’ve had enough of this sweaty dump a bird flies by and you think, I could fly too, I could fly right off of this lovely roof, and you do, all because it was a little humid out.