Although it won’t air until September 2nd, Comedy Central held its roast of BULLETT objet d’art James Franco last night in Los Angeles. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the way a roast works, it’s basically just a bunch of famous friends ripping each other new ones. Franco’s assailants included Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Andy Samberg, Aziz Ansari, Sarah Silverman, and Jeff Ross, and nothing was off limits. James Franco’s sexuality, Jonah Hill’s weight, Aziz Ansari’s race, and the general Jewiness of the whole thing all suffered punishing blows. Here are some standouts.
Seth Rogen: “James has acted alongside some amazing actors — Robert DeNiro, Tommy Lee Jones. He once played opposite an unruly chimp with giant teeth but it was worth it because Eat, Pray, Love turned out awesome. What? Is she here? She’s not here. Like she f–king watches this bulls–t.
Seth Rogen: “Franco, you look like you’re asleep. Did you just read a James Franco book? In all seriousness, he is a very hardworking actor. He once told me he worked for 36 hours straight, which I don’t believe, the straight part, obviously.”
Jonah Hill: “Bill Hader was brilliant on SNL and when he left the show every single person was like, ‘What are you doing? You’re never ever going to work again.’ And what does my man Bill do? Boom, he books a T-Mobile commercial. Who’s laughing now, Lorne Michaels? My man Bill is. If that thing goes national, we could be talking like 10, 15 grand. This guy’s cashing checks from the fourth largest mobile provider in the nation. I respect Bill because Sprint was coming after him hard, but he held out for that f–k you T Mobile money.”
Nick Kroll: “James Franco is truly our generation’s James Dean. So handsome that you forget he’s only been in two good movies. Dean, of course, died at the tender age of 24 sparing himself the embarrassment of writing self-indulgent short stories and getting roasted by a bunch of jealous Jew monsters.
Sarah Silverman: “I can’t tell if this is the dais or the line to suck Judd Apatow’s balls. This dais is so Jewey. What is this, the Comedy Central audit of James Franco?”
Sarah Silverman: “I have been a huge supporter of Aziz for years and for only the price of a cup of coffee.”
Natasha Leggero: “James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing — is there anything you can do?”
Jeff Ross: “Jonah almost couldn’t make it tonight because he had trouble finding a tuxedo that changes sizes every three hours. When Jonah’s agent told him that Quentin Tarantino wanted him to be in a spaghetti western, Jonah was like, ‘You had me at spaghetti.’”
Bill Hader: “Andy Samberg, looking forward to your new show Brooklyn 99. Funny cops. You’re always pushing the envelope Andy. What’s going to happen when you run out of funny crimes like graffiti and pickpockets? Can’t wait to see episode 10 when Brooklyn 99 has to deal with a rape. ‘Oh I dropped the rape kit. Sporgie Dorg!’”
James Franco: “You say I sucked at the Oscars. I was a genius at the Oscars. That was experimental tuxedo sleep art. “
(via Entertainment Weekly)