Photos by Shelby Sells
Great communication is the key element to creating healthy relationships. That being said, who the f*** knows how to communicate with each other in a positive way nowadays. In a generation where expressing your feelings is looked down upon and being a “player” is idealized, how do we reach our ultimate goal of finding true love and companionship? (Assuming you are a diehard romantic like myself.)
First, we have to step back and look at gender roles. The cliche says men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I say that’s an understatement. Now I’d like to clarify that I will be talking in generalities and that every single person in the world is different and has a different style of communicating, which is why the struggle to connect with someone is so real. For years men have played hunter / gatherer types and women took on nurturing roles. That doesn’t stand true for all in today’s Western society. We live in a world where anyone can be whoever he or she wants to be and do whatever he or she wants to do. There are no defined gender roles. Men can be just as sensitive–I mean emo–as women and women can be just as ball breaking as men–see Sony’s Amy Pascal. In a world full of go-getters how do you communicate without playing games? Let’s start at the beginning.
A cutie asks for your number and texts you. You might already be sweating. Texting is tricky. Do you use a period at the end of your sentence? Do you add a windy face or is that too flirty? Proper punctuation or nah? The possibilities are endless. Be yourself. Games start with you. If you act or portray to be someone you are not, you will fail. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to be with anyone. Another important thing we should be aware of when texting is response time. Don’t take it personally if your boo-thang doesn’t text back right away. Remember that we all have a million things going on in our lives and sometimes it takes a second to get around to texting someone back. This is not any disrespect; it is a fact. Besides, do you really want to be dating someone who doesn’t have anything going on and just sits around all day waiting for you to text them? I didn’t think so…
When texting a potential boo we must keep in mind that actions are still louder than words. Unfortunately there are some folks out there who text people for attention with no intention of following through on their words. One more tidbit of advice I have to offer is to not take texts too seriously. People create something out of nothing for pure dramatic reason. I’d like to think that for the most part people say what they mean and mean what they say. If someone says they’ll text you later they probably will. You can’t freak out if they don’t hit you up when you wanted them to. Not a single human being is perfect and we’re all doing our best to make time for our loved ones. Having patience, empathy, and understanding will ensure a better outcome in any situation.
Practicing your communication skills will only lead to healthier relationships. It is the glue that holds people together. When you come from a place of love and understanding you will see better results. Don’t make mountains out of molehills or take the little things personally. At the end of the day your boo will either make time for you or they won’t. It’s not the end of the world if they don’t… Trust me there’s plenty of love interest out there. Now go have some fun.