Culture

Take the Definitive ‘Are You A Hater’ Quiz: Find Out If You’re a Legit Critic, or Much Worse

Culture

Take the Definitive ‘Are You A Hater’ Quiz: Find Out If You’re a Legit Critic, or Much Worse

Are you adding to the discussion, or are you just hating?
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Nobody likes a Negative Nancy, but dissent is also essential to the growth of humankind. As such, we have created this ‘Are You a Hater’ quiz to help you determine whether you are a legitimate critic or just a good old-fashioned, mealy-mouthed hater. Answer the questions below and see how you stack up:

10. Are you miffed when good things happen to other people?

It’s totally normal to allow yourself a quick cringe sesh when you see somebody who patently fucked you over living the high life, but there are too many horrible things going on in this world to spend time bemoaning anyone’s good fortune. If you answered yes, you are therefore admitting that positive outcomes actually make you feel worse, and that makes you a hater.

9. U mad?

Are you raising your voice? Mashing your keyboard? Blood pressure feeling higher than Amanda Bynes after a few hits from the vase? If you can’t have a discussion without balling up your fists and gritting your teeth, there is a significant chance that you’re being a hater, one who could use a few vase hits him-or-herself.

8.  Are “haters” your choice of topic?

Say hi to them! They’re—wait for it—gonna hate! Some people never shut up about the inconveniences foisted upon them by “the haters,” although you can find no indication of any attention, negative or otherwise, directed their way. It’s perfectly reasonable to address someone’s comment about you directly, if one was made, but alluding to a shadowy faction of imagined naysayers just waiting to take you out is not only self-centered but paranoid. Remember, hating on “haters” is still hating.

7. Are you being paid for your opinion?

While miserable blowhards certainly have been known to make a paycheck just by dissing other people, this is still a solid hater-o-meter for 1 reason: someone taking a financial risk to back you up (without always knowing where you stand beforehand) is already trusting you to be judicious and well-prepared, at least enough to avoid a lawsuit. It’s not that getting paid makes someone’s opinion worth more, but at least in general that if you take your time to go in on something when there’s little/no audience, that often makes you a hater.

6. Is your positive-to-negative-feedback ratio lower than 1:1? 

Do you ever shine light into any dark corners, or merely point them out? If you’re not putting ideas, people, or things front-and-center that inspire you as a counterpoint to those that piss you off, then there’s a much higher probability that you’re just finding things to hate on.

5. Does your opinion lack any substantive further analysis?

Ah, facts. The realist’s best friends. By using these “facts,” by no means friends of the hater, a reasonable person can not only speak to his or her assessment of a given situation, but also provides at least some framework for why he/she does not (or does) agree with others’ differing perspective(s). These “facts” also make it clear that the person providing his/her opinion has a basic understanding of the topic or event at hand, therefore providing support to any subjective statements made. If you “just feel the way you feel,” quit hating.

4. Are your thoughts and emotions binary?

Second to “facts,” the acceptance of gray areas, moral, legal or otherwise, is essential to engaging in any complex and fruitful discussion. If, like written language in its most basic form, you can only indicate a 0/1, a Y/N, or an on/off, you’re not only a simpleton, but a hater as well. 

3. Have you ever seen/heard/experienced the thing you’re talking about?

I will admit that I occasionally make a concious decision not to feed into any discussion period about certain art-related topics (this is not the way to go with politics), like Jay-Z’s Samsung LP, or, for a solid week, Yeezus. Doing so, and speaking about the reasons why, admittedly still makes me a hater, for not giving something a chance before forming the bulk of my opinion. If you refuse to indulge on principle, not owning your hater status makes you a spineless jellyfish of the highest order.

2. Is your opinion derived from how you feel about the person/people responsible for something, and not the thing itself?

This attitude makes the least sense to me of all—you know, that an athlete couldn’t possibly be a murderer, or that a pot smoker is always up to no good. I am of the humble opinion that events should be processed based on the facts presented, and not unrelated other events or traits. If you’re not able to separate the two, you’re a bastion of hateration.

1. Are you the established one, ripping apart the underdog?

If you’ve already achieved success, and you feel the need to maintain your status by undermining other competitors, you’re definitely a hater. Is there any hope for you yet? Maybe with some soul-searching, but to quote hater extraordinaire Shooter McGavin, the answer is probably:

Shooter McGavin wants you to know he does *not* eat pieces of shit for breakfast.