Do you know what’s sexy about the new trailer for Fifty Shades Darker? Absolutely nothing.
The trailer opens with Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) walking off a trailer to find the super hot, super boring Christian (Jamie Dornan) waiting to make a play to regain her heart with dinner (it’s a start, I guess?). Her response? “Okay… I will have dinner with you… because… I am… hungry.” I’m assuming that’s precisely what was written on the teleprompter Johnson was reading, because it’s precisely how the line was delivered. The two proceed to do a variety of practical activities, like bone in a shower with their clothes on, wear baroque masks and feel each other’s heartbeats. It’s… not good.
Fifty Shades Darker drops on Valentine’s Day and it’s the perfect movie to see if you need that little boost of confidence in knowing that someone’s sex life is worse than yours.