Culture

Sashay, Shantay: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey Pregnancies,’ Oxford University

Culture

Sashay, Shantay: ‘Fifty Shades of Grey Pregnancies,’ Oxford University

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In today’s modern world, it’s hard to know where to stand on a lot of questionable and controversial topics. “Shantay, You Stay” is a place that exists at the intersection of bitchy and righteous, where we affix the Bullett seal of approval (or not) to key figures and events. Because when you lose in the Drag Race competition that is life, we’ve just got to call you out on it.

 

50 Shades of Mom

“While it’s impossible to declare a Fifty Shades of Grey baby boomlet,…”

With these words, my heart sinks in my chest, and whatever impossible shred of hope left in me for the race of man dissolves away.

What does it all mean? Only that, over the weekend, there have been a string of reports of pregnancies linked to the horniness of women having read that landmark of literotica, Fifty Shades of Grey. I can’t say what’s more troubling–the fact that there are people who earnestly find 50 Shades erotic, or the idea that the horniness that transpires from a reading of E.L. James trash-romance epic results not simply in sex, but in new life forms, giving a new, literal meaning to the phrase, “mommy porn”. Exhibit A:

He leans down and kisses my lips gently, and he sucks at my lower lip… “Please Ana, let me make love to you.” “Yes,” I whisper, because that’s why I am here. 

If this is the kind of sentence that gets your procreative juices flowing, you may need to be banned from reproducing in the first place.

But in the diverse, yo-yoing spectrum of culture, there are always good developments to balance out the bad. Although usually those are taking place outside of the United States. Case in point:

Oxford University

Which has gone the way of the just by breaking down their formal dress codes to accomodate transgender, genderqueer and gender questioning students.

The verdict:

Fifty Shades of Mom, y’all just don’t make the cut. SASHAY AWAY.

Oxford, you’re killing it. SHANTAY, YOU STAY.