If you enjoy resource hoarding, poor-hating, and have an overall disregard for long-term strategic thinking, well, do I have the game for you. The game is called American Society, and since you’re just a pawn and therefore not authorized to participate, you might as well waste your time on this “Sad Libs” instead (if you also enjoy weeping, sighing and slumping over in the fetal position). You can use the sample answers provided below, or make up your own.
America can afford ______, but not ______.
5 Things America Can Afford:
1. Ramen, Corn Syrup, Dollar Pizza and Wet-N-Wild Cosmetics
2. Prescription Drugs
3. Constant New Offensive Military Initiatives
4. War On Drugs; Federal Weed Crackdowns Despite State Legality
5. Corporations That Are People Yet Pay No Taxes
Next week, join us here for an online game of Monopoly in which your wealthy opponent can see all your moves but not vice versa (you’re not even supposed to know about it), and you start the game with nothing but the clothes on your back. If you win, you might even get to play American Society one day.