News

Ryan Lochte Issues Inevitable, Half-Assed Apology

News

Ryan Lochte Issues Inevitable, Half-Assed Apology

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Over the past few days, Olympian man-child Ryan Lochte has proven himself to be the world’s greatest bafoon, launching an international snafu via one very false text message to his mother. The big reveal was that Lochte and his cronies had simply pissed all over a bathroom and generally acting like drunken frat boys. His lawyer’s “boys will be boys” explanation was hardly enough to placate the public, given the fact that Lochte is in his 30s, so here’s Lochte’s own formal apology, which is pretty vague and shitty if you ask me.



So Lochte maintains that he was robbed at gunpoint. He apologizes for the general way in which he conducted himself, but not specifically for flat out lying and omitting important details or for vandalizing a local business. So what are these valuable lessons you have learned, Lochte? Primarily, don’t get caught, Jeah?

Anyway, let’s just use this whole thing as an excuse to rewatch this amazing clip of morning show anchors dying of laughter at Lochte’s general stupidity.

(Shout out to Pajiba for posting this gem yesterday).