January 30, 2013

Human being Ron Jeremy is currently in the hospital with a serious heart aneurysm, TMZ reports. He is, however, famous for having a large penis and using that penis effectively on film vis-a-vis coitus, so therefore he doesn’t exist as a real person. Let’s all make fun of him now. Some suggested joke-starters:

Ron Jeremy is having some trouble with one of his major organs NOT THE ONE YOU THINK THOUGH THAT ONE BEING HIS PENIS.

Strenuous activity for a man of his age that could lead to heart problems maybe. Has to be something there.

How many inches across do you think the incision that the doctor might have to make in his chest would be? Inches.

Like, if, in this one joke scenario, all the blood rushed away from his heart and filled up another area of his body, thereby engendering some sort of deficiency of blood in the heart, because said blood was elsewhere?

First time anyone’s had to poke around inside one of Ron Jeremy’s cavities, you might imagine. That’s a sex euphemism.

Maybe something about hoping he can pull out of this one and explode back onto the scene?

This one is going to be really hard on his fans if he doesn’t make it.

Human life is worthless and we’re all horrible, emotionless savages.

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