Vetements is releasing a collaboration with Levis, and boy is it a doozy. Thanks to a picture posted to the brand’s Instagram yesterday, we now know that the next big denim trend to be forced down our collective throats (you know, following mom jeans, $500 “distressed” denim, and fringed flares that mysteriously end halfway down one’s calf) involves a functional zipper that goes down the middle of the wearer’s ass. And when I say down, I mean all the way down. While we don’t know what the front of the pants look like yet, from the way they’re styled in the photo, it seems like that zipper just keeps going all the way around to the front, which is, admittedly, a more traditional place for zippers to be, but also sounds very, very uncomfortable and a little bit dangerous.
I also think it’s important to specify that said zipper is, again, fully functional because I want to make this clear: these jeans make it possible for you to bear your entire rear end with just the mere flick of a wrist. There are also two zippers that go up the backs of the wearer’s legs into the middle of the butt area, creating a sort of haute denim diaper effect. Oh, and they also come as shorts.
At this point, Demna Gvasalia has to be just trolling us all, right? And while I appreciate clothing that has a sense of humor about itself, thinking about the sheer number of Instagram models who are going to take back-breakingly posed “sexy” selfies wearing these pants is a genuine threat to my ability to stomach the internet in the coming weeks.