May 14, 2013

Yes, the Internet is basically a never-ending tour through The Worst Things, but this truly takes the Worst cake. While researching a book called Primates of Park Avenue, social anthropologist Dr. Wednesday Martin uncovered a practice that some wealthy Manhattan parents have developed in order to cut through the long lines at Disney World: hiring a handicapped tour guide to pose as a family member so they’re rushed to the top of the queue, rather than having to wait two and a half hours to go through Splash Mountain.

The tour guide, hired through a company called Dream Tours Florida, costs $130 an hour, or a little more than $1,000 for a full day. Apparently, knowledge of the service is spread through word of mouth, with the booking agent even asking callers who they were recommended by—an Ouroboros of privilege, wealth, crassness, and selfishness that’s beyond comically evil. I mean, look at this quote from one of the so-called mothers: “You can’t go to Disney without a tour concierge. This is how the 1 percent does Disney.” How is that real! And yet it is, unless the New York Post is just fabricating the whole story—which no, of course not, the Post never does that. Pretty cool world where the Post making stuff up is the least crummy option.

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