In this exclusive interview, serious journalist and actor Rebel Wilson, star of the wedding-from-hell comedy Bachelorette and the a cappella musical Pitch Perfect,“gets down” with british street rapper Rebelicious.
MS. WILSON: Hello. Is it alright if I sit here?
REBELICIOUS: Whatever. It might be a bit damp—my cousin was sitting there this morning and she is a full-on slag.
I’ll just—um, okay—I’ll just stand. [Standing awkwardly.] burns more calories!
Yeah, well, make this quick, chunky. I’ve got nunchaku practice at half three.
Wow! You’re learning nunchaku?
Yes, I am, because I’m hard. [Gives a hard look.] I’m so hard I’m like an algebra equation. X plus 4 equals… me! Respect.
Cool math reference. I didn’t expect someone like you to drop an analogy like that.
Whot? Are you calling me thick? Coz the only thing thick about me is my thighs. And maybe my upper arms.
I didn’t mean to insult you. Please put down the Gatorade bottle.
I could use this as a shank, you know! It would take me ’bout 45 minutes to fandangle it with a biro but I could make that shit happen. These are the types of skills I learned in detention.
No, like detention, like at school. I’d always get so busted for doing mad gangsta stuff like walking on the grass and wearing non-uniform Adidas tracksuits. I was also suspended once for drinking at the school disco.
No, whoa-man! I drank outta the holy water fountain and got well busted by the nuns. But I’m like, Whateva, Sista—live fast, do it well, three-point score, mo-fo! Do you know what I mean?
No, not really. let’s talk about your new album, Pubes.
What was the inspiration?
[Somewhat pointing at vag.] Pubes.
Right, so actual pubic hair? It’s a literal title?
As literal as this punch. [Mimes punching the nearby lamp.] I like to get attention with all my titles.
Wait, but isn’t this your first album?
Yes. But I’ve had others… in my mind.
Would you agree that the phrase “random and blatantly attention- seeking” accurately summarizes your career to date?
Well, if you is referring to the facts—that I’ve ’ad an entourage of midgets, worn a dress made completely out of blue cheese, and got my hair stuck in a go- kart… voluntarily—then, yes, I guess you’d be fully correct. Oh, and yeah, one time I pretended to be Pakistani. I like attention, that’s why I’m rapping and not, like, working in an office being boring and speaking proper-like and wearing un-elasticized pants like you.
I’m not boring.
Ha! Look at you, all interviewing, sitting still and like, you know, wearing a shirt with sleeves.
Well actually, Rebelicious, I’m not a real interviewer.
But you’re writing things down, innit? You have a Dick-ta-phone and everything!
I’m actually the actress Rebel Wilson.
Whot? Never heard of the bitch.
I’m currently researching for a new movie about an interviewer who goes undercover in the rap world only to discover that she herself might have what it takes to be a rap artist even though she’s white and her parents are preachers and her only friend in the world, a cat called Tishy, contracts feline AIDs. Costarring Channing Tatum.
Whoa! Okay then. Respect!
You’re, like, a massive poser but at least you got ass. I might have made up a few things me-self… but, seriously, in all seriousness [she moves close up to the Dictaphone], my cousin is definitely, like, a 100 percent, full-on slag.
Want to see more of Rebel? The Romance Issue, get it now at the Bullett Shop!