Featured

Lake Bell Wrote a Script Exclusively for BULLETT

Featured

Lake Bell Wrote a Script Exclusively for BULLETT

THAKOON dress, JEROME C. ROUSSEAU shoes
PETER PILOTTO top, MERCURA NYC sunglasses
THAKOON dress
CHRISTIAN DIOR dress
PETER PILOTTO top, MERCURA NYC sunglasses
PETER PILOTTO top
JASON WU bra and shorts
VIKTOR & ROLF jacket and skirt, JASON WU bra
+

While stalking the allegedly haunted grounds of what was once Jean Harlow’s Beverly Hills estate, actor-writer-director Lake Bell, whose debut feature In a World… comes out this Friday, pens herself a role she was literally born to play. Fade in.

EXT. PARK – DAY

The temperature is 72 degrees. CU on A SNAIL in a staring contest with a SLUG. A woman cloaked in dark garments and ornate sunglasses looks out over a bed of dying sage. She stands on a boulder with her eyes closed and arms swept out to each side, as if to conjure spirits. This is SAXON SPERRY. Widen to REVEAL a befuddled LAKE BELL, 34, sitting on a bench behind Saxon. Lake’s body language implies mild concern.

LAKE BELL
Excuse me, are you okay, or…? Do you need help?

Beat. Nothing.

LAKE BELL (CONT’D)
I can’t believe Wunderground said it might rain.

SAXON SPERRY
(strong Ukrainian accent)
Who cares?

LAKE BELL
Oh. Well, I just meant that it’s beautiful out—

SAXON SPERRY
Why do you get to direct a film? Let me guess, you learned a lot from being on sets as an actor?

LAKE BELL
Do you always keep your eyes closed during interviews?

SAXON SPERRY
(eyes closed)

So, In a World… What’s it about?

LAKE BELL
It’s a comedy about a competitive fatherdaughter relationship set in the voiceover industry.

SAXON SPERRY
That doesn’t sound funny.

LAKE BELL
I mean, the humor is obviously in the telling of the story. The voice-over world offers such a rich cacophony of characters. It helps to have a cast of comedic geniuses like Demetri Martin, Rob Corddry, Michaela Watkins, Ken Marino, Nick Offerman, and Tig Notaro—

SAXON SPERRY
Do you even know what cacophony means?

LAKE BELL
Yes.

SAXON SPERRY
I don’t believe you.

LAKE BELL
It means, like, a chaos of sounds.

SAXON SPERRY
Correct.

LAKE BELL
I know, that’s why I used it.

SAXON SPERRY
Spell it.

LAKE BELL
C – A – C… I don’t know. There’s a P – H in there somewhere. I’m a hideous speller.

SAXON SPERRY
If you can’t spell, how can you possibly be a good writer? Didn’t you win some writing thing somewhere?

LAKE BELL
I dunno, I think spelling has little to do with one’s ability to write. You can be a mediocre mathematician and still be a great architect as long as you’ve got a solid calculator to know how much wood to buy. And, for the record, it was the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award at Sundance.

SAXON SPERRY
You’re showing off.

LAKE BELL
I don’t mean to. I just figured it might be a cool thing to put in the article.

SAXON SPERRY
Oh, so now you’re the barometer of “cool”?

LAKE BELL
I didn’t say that.

SAXON SPERRY
Have you ever eaten a worm?

LAKE BELL
No.

SAXON SPERRY
Why do dogs eat grass?

LAKE BELL
Digestion.

SAXON SPERRY
Have you ever fallen off a horse?

LAKE BELL
No.

SAXON SPERRY
Are you good at limbo?

LAKE BELL
Yes.

SAXON SPERRY
What do you tolerate even though it’s slimy and horrible?

LAKE BELL
Okra?

SAXON SPERRY
Wrong. Slugs.

LAKE BELL
People don’t eat slugs.

SAXON SPERRY
Who said anything about eating? Do you worship His Dark Lord Satan?

LAKE BELL
No.

SAXON SPERRY
Smoking is good for you.

LAKE BELL
No, it’s not.

SAXON SPERRY
Have you ever touched a manatee?

LAKE BELL
Yes.

SAXON SPERRY
Pervert!

LAKE BELL
What?

SAXON SPERRY
(Suddenly smiling maniacally)
Who are you wearing? What’s in your bag? What’s your workout routine? Do you eat hot dogs? Who’s got the best bod in Hollywood? Who’s the biggest cunt you’ve ever met?

LAKE BELL
I do not eat hot dogs. I’m vegan.

SAXON SPERRY
Incorrect.

LAKE BELL
What’s the correct answer? Atkins?

SAXON SPERRY
No. Eating is for the weak.

LAKE BELL
I think the weak would beg to differ.

SAXON SPERRY
Tumbleweeds are designed to distribute their seeds. So even when they’re dead, they’re working.

LAKE BELL
I didn’t know that.

SAXON SPERRY
Huh.

LAKE BELL
You’re a pretentious piece of shit.

SAXON SPERRY
When does In a World… come out?

LAKE BELL
August 9th.

Photography by Logan White. Styling by Hayley Atkin.