News

Is This The Perfect Woman?

News

Is This The Perfect Woman?

+

If you answered “No,” you’re dead wrong (kind of).

According to science, the closest thing we have to perfection in this genetic cesspool we call the human race is Puerto Rican women.

This revelation comes courtesy of Lior Pachter, a computational biologist (yes, that’s a thing). Pachter was inspired to conduct a study designed to discover the “perfect human” after crossing paths with Nobel Prize winner and bonafide asshole James Watson. Watson, who aims to improve our wretched species via something called absolutely terrifying called “human germline engineering,” is a racist jerk who famously attacked the Irish (When Pachter met Watson, he posed the rhetorical question: “Who would want to adopt an Irish kid?”).

Anyway, this delightful social interaction led Pachter to find his own perfect human, or the closest thing to it.

Pachter breaks it down in shockingly decipherable language on his super chill blog on “Bits of DNA.” Basically, Pachter creates a hypothetical “perfect human” (in terms of genetic makeup) and tested it against the genetic makeup of a varied pool of individuals from a range of populations. Of the 1000 genetic makeups tested, Peurto Rican women came closest to “perfect.”

Sounds simple enough. But what is the perfect human?

According to Pachter (i.e. science) the perfect human is the one least likely to develop icky or unpleasant diseases or medical conditions. Well that settles that then.

There is, however, one fatal flaw in Pachter’s research: he never tested my DNA (chugs beer, coughs up blood, passes out).