People magazine has selected hollowed-out avocado husk Gwyneth Paltrow as their 2013 World’s Most Beautiful Woman, and that’s exciting for a number of a reasons, the funniest one, however, being how infuriating this news probably is to an actual real life person. Well-trolled, People. Well-trolled indeed. If there’s a more divisive figure in the lifestyle-brand game than Paltrow, we’ve yet to hear about her, although if you have any information on such an individual promptly report it to the proper government agencies, because there’s some scary science shit at work there.
Think we’re exaggerating here? Take a look at the three featured faces on the cover of this issue, and ask yourself which one has been the object of more long-lasting scorn—it’s not necessarily the terrorist piece of shit, or the accused, but later cleared friend-murderer. In that regard, People have chosen wisely here. Everyone knows these type of superlatives aren’t meant to actually represent the thing they purport to. Is there a single person who thinks the very lovely and certainly beautiful Paltrow is actually the most beautiful woman in the world? There is not. She’s an attractive famous person who drives hate-views though, and in the publishing game there’s nothing more beautiful than that.