Meet Miss Cakehead, the London-based blogger behind Evil Cakes, whose latest confectionary creation is a recipe for disaster.
1. Food equivalent of rigor mortis: Weetabix cereal. Unless you wash up within 10 seconds of finishing a bowl, it sets like cement and needs at least three days of soaking before you can remove it.
2. Frosting most evocative of inner organs: Fluffy frosting has a firm but squishy marshmallow consistency—as does the liver, I’d imagine.
3. Most sinful ingredient: Carrot cake is the most evil-tasting thing I have ever had the misfortune to sample.
4. Most adulterous ingredient: Pop Rocks. As an adult, I can’t resist indulging in them, even though they’re clearly meant for children. It’s like having something in your mouth that’s not meant for you, which always makes me feel kind of guilty.
5. Taste of evil: A semen-, mango-, and ash-flavored smoothie.
6. Most decadent ingredient: Caramel. It’s never essential but always welcome.
7. Ingredient that should be illegal: Red food coloring has driven many bakers to the dark side.
8. If Jack the Ripper were a cake, he’d have: The purest white royal icing. I don’t think he was a member of the Royal Family, as many suspect, but I do think he led a normal, respectable life when he wasn’t out murdering women. It’s always the quiet ones you have to watch! All sorts of delicious deviance can be hidden under a perfectly iced cake.
9. If Eve had been seduced by confectionary goods instead of a piece of fruit, it would have been: Chocolate-covered foam bananas.
10. Least sexual part of a cupcake: The sponge is the one ingredient you can’t lick off of, or out from, a cupcake.
11. Most slothful: Vanilla is the laziest of all cupcake flavors. Beyond blah.
12. Most delicious of inner organs: The heart. All the love and heartbreak it contains is bound to add something intriguing to the taste. I think mine would taste like cherry compote—salted, of course, due to all the heartbreak tears.
13. Most blasphemous ingredient: Using Kabbalah water in baking makes it ridiculously expensive, especially when you could use tap water—which is probably what’s inside the bottle anyway—but it offends so many people that it’s worth the money!
14. Most violent flour: Corn flour. It takes no prisoners when used for thickening.
15. Most delicious part of the human body: It depends on what you’re in the mood for…
Baking by Natasha Collins.