Listen, I’m going to do the unthinkable and reserve passing judgement on Jared Leto’s portrayal of Joker in Suicide Squad until I see the actual film, but I am going to pass judgement on how utterly lame he looks on the cover of Empire magazine. Let’s dissect it bit by bit, shall we?
First there are the tattoos, which are far too polished and cheesy AF. What sort of madman goes to sterile, professional tattoo shops to get a bunch of bro-y tats all generically based on his most obvious characteristic? Real psychopaths do that shit prison style and the results are totally incoherent and nonsensical, not to mention as janky as the day is long.
Then there’s his bod. Since when does Joker have three hours a day to spend at Equinox? Put a goddamn shirt on Joker, Gotham is chilly and you might catch a cold.
And the clothes. Are those silk lounge pants? Joker wears a suit. A SUIT. Can’t hate on the crocodile trench though, I’d totally rock that.
And finally there’s his steely stare, which is more Calvin Klein cologne ad than terrifying villain. I don’t know about you guys, but if this is Joker, I don’t think anyone has a damn thing to worry about. I mean, he’s not even wearing shoes. Just like, drop a book on his foot or tell him there’s a sale at Hot Topic and he’ll be totally out of your hair.