January 2, 2013

The iPhone 6 is coming out this year,” a friend of mine Gchatted me in the early hours of the morning. “That’s ridiculous.”

“I mean, what’s ridiculous about it?” I responded. “Apple’s released a new iPhone every year for the last six years. They are, or at least were, the richest company in the world; under Steve Jobs’s direction they were unrepentantly devoted to getting paid at any cost, continuing to leech money from consumers and materials from the environment under the techno-douche auspices of ‘innovation’ and ‘beauty.’ I mean, even the original iPhone is more awesome than most of the things that will ever be invented; it’s a metal box that fits in your hand that can tell you where the best taco places are, and how close you are to the subway. That is incredible. And I’m not trying to go into some Louis C.K., ‘everything is amazing and no one is happy’-styled tangent but the hype cycle that begins anew every year over some made-up addition like whether the beveling with be a little finer, or whether the camera will have two or three dozen mega pixels is just, like, ugh, it makes me sick, I want to vomit because the materials these things are made of are not immediately replaceable, and we all use computers and smart phones and televisions but if you think of them as toys rather than tools it begins to breed a really blindly awful tendency of not just wanting  but expecting more regardless of how objectively amazing the thing in front of you is. Like, I’m sure the iPhone 6 will be really cool. The beveling will be off the hook. But I know people who lined up for the iPhone 5, and they will probably line up for this one and spend hundreds of dollars on a mildly better version of something they bought six months ago. To each their own and let man prosper under his free will and all that, but there is just something brutally depressing about that to me. I think I need to get back in bed.”

“God,” he replied. “Sorry I said anything.”

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