January 16, 2013

A man was killed on the subway at the East 125th Street 4/5/6 station yesterday afternoon, LOL, a fact you’ll no doubt learn about all over today’s internet, because it gives us the rare chance to put the word “pooping” in a headline. It’s poop, not boobs, that drives the most clicks, as I’ve always said. Also we didn’t know this person, so his death fills us with a brief moment of amusement.

The man who was killed was riding between cars on an uptown 6 train when he fell off and landed on the tracks at the station, at Lexington Avenue and East 125th Street, just after 4:30 p.m., said Paul Browne, the NYPD‘s chief spokesman.

The victim, 31, was struck by the 6 train as it was leaving the station, Browne said. He was pronounced dead at the scene, the MTA and FDNY said.

Witnesses said they saw the man defecating between the train cars shortly before he fell to his death, Browne said. (DNAinfo via NY Mag)

Around the same time, strangely, another man appears to have been hit, but not killed, on the same track.

All very mirthful stuff, this person’s death, I think we can all agree on that, right? Haha. But here’s something else to think about: what percentage of us reading this will die while shitting ourselves, either out of sheer animalistic fear, or the gradual shut down of control over our bodily functions ? 75%? 100%? Something to look forward to.

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