How Much Do You Suppose These Fake Duct Tape Designer Sneakers Cost?

How Much Do You Suppose These Fake Duct Tape Designer Sneakers Cost?


There’s a scene in Zoolander, in which Will Ferell’s character Mugatu triumphantly introduces his line Derelict. “It is a fashion, a way of life, inspired the the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores, that make this wonderful city so unique,” he proclaims, as an image of a fucked up shoe is projected on the screen and a homeless looking model stands nearby. 15 years later, and we’re finally seeing that vision come to life, because fashion, much like politics, has become impossible to parody.



The line in question is a series of “distressed” sneakers from Golden Goose, the label helmed by couple Francesca Rinaldo and Alessandro Gallo of Venice, and it’s somehow worse than Zoolander even imagined.

Check out these options available at Barney’s now, including, perhaps the pièce de résistance, these  raggedy fake duct tape Distressed Superstar Sneakers, retailing for a mere $585.





Golden Goose pink distressed suede Superstar low-top sneakers detailed at vamp and counter with duct tape. 1″/25mm midsole (approximately)Rounded toe, metallic silver debossed lettering at lightly padded tongue, dot-perforated signature star and “GGDB” lettering at perforated quarter panel, logo-debossed leather overlay at padded collar, distressed midsole, light grey worn and knotted flat lacesLace-up styleFrench terry and leather lining; removable wedge insoleHerringbone rubber soleAvailable in PinkMade in Italy

Certainly a tempting offer, especially for those of us who don’t have the luxury of actually using our shoes until they wear out.

Or how about these, with that hard to get scuffed look that anyone who would pay $560 for a pair of broken down ass forgotten gym bag shoes like these simply doesn’t have time to cultivate by actually walking around.






They aren’t the only brand getting in on this hot new dirt-foot bus stop chic. Saint Laurent has a handsome pair in “off white distressed leather” aka dirt, that you can pick up for a mere $595. Hard to pass up!

In conclusion, fashion is terrible, and capitalism is poison and everyone involved in this fiasco needs to go to prison and I’m going to check myself into a mental hospital.