Pop tart and potential soon-to-be mononym Miley Cyrus, blessed the sea of adoring cyberpeasants yesterday when she announced the name of her upcoming album via Twitter. “If you don’t know why my record will be called BANGERZ,” she quipped, “you’ll know as soon as you hear it. Nothin but #BANGERZ.” We (seriously) can’t wait to hear more from the presumably upbeat release, which, in the grand scheme of Montanas, is so far shaping up to be as French as it is Hannah.
In honor of BANGERZ, as well as Miley’s calculated rebranding efforts, we put together this helpful list of alternate suggestions in case she decides to take the music press’ mockery of her original idea to heart:
Let’s Get It Poppin’
Since “Pop A Miley, I’m Sweatin’ WHOO” would have undoubtedly caused some copyright issues on its way to the charts, this compromise still throws an urban slang twist on the bubblicious songstress’ future tracklist.
This option might be a little too blunt, but by spinning it as commentary on our country’s need for marijuana legalization and the disproportionate incarceration of minorities perpetually caused by the war on drugs, Ms. Cyrus could add some legitimacy to her quest for street cred.
Young, Sexy and Lovin’ It
Using Jay Z’s relationship with Samsung as inspiration, Miley could parlay the french-fry skull from her ‘We Can’t Stop’ video into a lucrative McDonald’s promotion deal. By providing a free download code with the purchase of any dollar menu item, big numbers (in both sales and cholesterol) would be ensured throughout the first days of release.
All Black Everything
Nuance has no place in the mainstream music world, so if Miley wants her new material to “sound black”, the best first step is to keep on telling people that it does. Collaborations with artists like Blackstreet, Blaque, Black Rob, and Onyx could help to cement the concept in people’s minds.
We Can’t Stop (Using Superficial Cues To Signify Artist Growth)
It’s a shame that the majority of today’s pop artists, instead of gradually layering a complex variety of influences to shape their sound and aesthetic over the years, just snap their fingers and hire new creative teams when it feels like time to switch up the vibe. Miley’s enthusiastic pop tunes and free spirit have always been refreshing, so it would be nice to hear the growing-up happen via the music itself instead of a drawn out, concerted attempt to rebrand.