I am speechless, y’all, that adult baby Miley Cyrus appeared in public—at a Myspace party, no less—wearing a pair of pants that’s 50% jeans, 50% sweats, and 100% molly-inspired (or so I imagine). Granted my fashion sense can be described somewhere between “square” and “dad,” but the getup is so ostentatious that it must demand an oral history on how it was birthed into the world. What else is journalism for?
MILEY: I was sitting on the couch in sweats, high as hell watching the Batman movie with Two-Face, when my assistant told me it was time to get dressed for the party. I was too lazy to put on jeans and thought, “Isn’t there something there?”
MILEY’S ASSISTANT: You don’t know how hard it is to sew the two materials together. But I did it, and Miley finally unblocked the ventilator before I ran out of oxygen.
The rest of her outfit is, like, whatever—nothing out of place at a party DJed by Tumblr users, and anyways who am I to talk. But man, those pants. (Facebook commenter Amy Antunez says: “That is the stupidest piece of crap fashion I have seen in forever!!! you look like you shit your pants!!!”) Do teens still worship Miley? Is this the newest teen trend? Miley might not be able to stop, but why should she?