Look, scientists: I know you’re bored, and I know you like tinkering with what’s already good, to fill a need that might not really exist. But you have really crossed the Rubicon of Bad Ideas with your newest invention, the KALQ keyboard, which purports to maximize touch screen typing but will probably just fuck up your already established typing instincts. Operating under the idea that typing on a standard QWERTY keyboard is hard to do with one’s thumbs, a team of researchers have banded together to create KALQ, a keyboard that splits the alphabet into two halves—one for each thumb. They’ve rejiggered the character layout, too, apparently based off some kind of science.
It is, as the well-named Sucky Future Tumblr points out, a sucky future. Because learning an entirely separate set of touch typing intuition can only bleed into the other—there’s no evidence that it does, but absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence (drops mic)—and because why not just split up the QWERTY into two halves and leave the layout untouched? Touch pads are big enough to accommodate the smaller keys, and your brain won’t be screwed up trying to tell the difference. You can try it out for yourself, though, and prove me a change-fearing Luddite: It’s available for download on Android. Or you can scrunch your nose at science and plod along as you ever do.