Hi everyone! This is Molly Soda! She is an artist and internet person who loves and lives online. This is her website, and this is her incredibly popular Tumblr, where she posts pictures and videos of herself and her colorful hair, and other stuff she likes. This is her Twitter account, where she is followed by more than 16,000 people, including Tavi Gevinson and Dev Hynes. Here’s that time Complex named Molly Soda “One of the Most Important Artists of 2013,” and then that other time when she was interviewed by The Verge about selling her art at an auction for lots of money. And then here’s a thing on Animal about some old photos of Molly’s that got into the hands of another artist who then used them in his show and touched off a debate about the nature of art and appropriation. Molly Soda, who is from Chicago is going to be our new advice columnist, following in the footsteps of people like Riff Raff, Fabio, and Gary Busey. She is going to be answering your questions on any topic that crosses your mind, and you can reach her here: firstname.lastname@example.org. She will help you. Have faith in Molly Soda.
How old are you?
25, flirty, and thriving.
How would you describe what you for a living?
I don’t like telling people what I “do,” I think that’s a really ridiculous question, as if what you do for money defines your worth. But basically I just play on the internet all day.
What makes you mad?
When people don’t respond to my emails fast enough.
What makes you sad?
A goofy movie makes me cry every time.
When was the last time you were truly embarrassed?
This past weekend. Do you ever wake up so hungover and full of regret because you can’t exactly remember everything you did the night before and you have to call your friends to figure out what happened and then they tell you you were promising to take boys out on dates or unbuttoning someone’s shirt at the bar?
What is your greatest shame?
One time I stuck a piece of gum in some girl’s hair at an M.I.A. concert. I still feel bad about it even if she was being kind of bitchy.
What’s the best way to get over a broken heart?
Pretend whoever broke your heart doesn’t exist, go on vacation (if you can), surround yourself with people who make you feel good, define your goals (they can be super short term) and focus on you.
Who are your role models?
Cool girls on the internet.
What was your most awkward sexual experience?
I was having sex with an ex-boyfriend for the first time and I totally queefed right at the beginning. Instead of pretending it didn’t happen I started laughing hysterically. Months later I found out that he didn’t even hear the quiff and thought I was laughing at him that night
What is your biggest insecurity?
Sometimes I’m afraid that my selfies are not an accurate representation of what I really look like and that when people meet me IRL they will think I look goofy/have a double chin/look clownish. But I also like the fact that I make a lot of crazy facial expressions when I talk, so it’s pretty irrational.
Is sex a big part of your life?
I just went celibate for a while/possibly a year at the beginning of 2014. So sex is still part of my life but my relationship with it has changed. I’ve become more hyper aware of it and how it affects my personal relationships.
What’s one thing you hope to experience one day?
I want to be able to go out to eat by myself and not feel like I need to look at my phone or read a book while I’m sitting there.
What is the saddest/happiest you’ve ever been?
I wish I could remember those extremes better. I wish there was an internal sadness/happiness barometer in my mind.
Who is your best friend?
I have a lot of besties, our levels of closeness fluctuate due to distance, and, well, life. But whenever I see them it’s like we were never apart.
What do you like to do when you’re completely alone?
Watch Disney Channel original movies on Netflix, record videos of myself singing Taylor Swift songs, attempt to do somersaults on my bed.
What’s your idea of a good time?
Jumping up and down on the bounciest, fluffiest bed ever to exist with a bottle of champagne in my hand and Blink 182 blasting on the speakers, surrounded by people I love of course
Why should we take your advice?
I’m asking the same thing. I think when people want advice they more so want an outlet to express their problems with a situation and someone to totally listen to that with no judgement and honestly and sincerely tell them what they think. Whether or not they take the advice is sometimes irrelevant.
Photography by Anna Bloda.