Culture

The New Economic Stimulus: Managing Dating Profiles for Money

Culture

The New Economic Stimulus: Managing Dating Profiles for Money

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The economy has gotten a little better, gliding upward along a curve from “totally fucked” to “mostly fucked” before settling on “sort of fucked” in recent months. But plenty of people are still hunting for honest work, which one Flatiron resident is looking to provide on Craigslist. For one hour a day and $100 per week, you can help this “successful entrepreneur” manage his dating profile, because he is just too busy to sift through so many profiles of all the women who might deserve this handsome, intellectual man with plenty of money to burn. The ad, which is titled “Online Dating Surrogate”:

Successful entrepreneur needs discerning woman to handle online dating communications for him for roughly an hour per day

Process:
1. Review profiles of women on 3 or 4 dating sites
2. Per criteria you will be provided, mark as “Favorite” all potential women to contact
3. You’ll let me know when to review Favorites periodically and I’ll delete those I’m not interested in
4. You’ll write to and exchange messages with the remaining Favorites and try to set dates

Work hours, location and salary:
> One hour or so per day – flat $100/wk
> You set the hours
> Work from anywhere you choose

Ideal candidate for this job is similar to dating candidates sought:
> Pretty, thin, educated female in her 20s or 30s (with great taste and strong writing ability)

If This Part-Time Job is For You:
> Email to craig0519nyc@hotmail.com your picture, resume and lengthy enough response to assess your writing ability
> Indicate why this job will be easy and fun for you and describe why you believe that you have great taste and a discerning eye

That he’s looking for a “pretty, think, educated female in her 20s or 30s” is the grossest cherry on this shit sundae, but it makes me believe there’s something more at work than just another dude looking for love in all the wrong ways. Doesn’t that sound like the plot to a romantic comedy, or at least the worst meetcute of all-time? “We actually met because he hired me into trawling OKCupid for puss, but I was so enamored with his robotic approach to human interaction that I couldn’t help agreeing to have a pair of unlikeable children with him. We’re very, very miserable.” (The Hotmail email is a warning sign, too.) But hey, it’s honest pay for an honest hour! Interested parties, please inquire.