I have no idea why we end up forming so many of our own personal outlooks on relationships based on love songs. Have you ever tried dating/being a musician? Not exactly stable/reliable/reasonable/grounded/existent in any sort of recognizable human form, are we/they? And aren’t most love songs about love gone awry, anyway?
Let’s not let that stop us from looking for answers in love from the music, and the advice, of Nedelle Torrisi, aka Paradise. The Los Angeles singer, whose new 7″ I Love Thousands Every Summer b/w Psychic Returns was recently released, reflects on love in a pensively reserved fashion on her quiet sketches of gentle beauty. “He’ll never love me like you do,” she laments on “Psychic Returns,” which can you hear below.
Knowing that we’re just going to go ahead and search for answers in music anyway, we asked Torrisi to answer some questions about dating and romance from her fans.
Dear Paradise, I’ve been dating my boyfriend Hank for over a year, and I’m madly in love. The problem is that I have a sort of conservative family and sometimes I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t quite fit into it. For example, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to cut back on doing it, he continues to give my father daps and call him “dawg” at inappropriate moments (like at my brother’s Eagle Scout ceremony). My dad doesn’t necessarily hate it, but it’s driving me crazy. How can I nicely get him to stop?!
Hi Dapspunk. I think you need to approach him about this issue the next time you’re going to be around your father. Be serious and stern, and develop a points system, as if he’s a child, because he sure is acting like one.
If he doesn’t give daps or call your dad inappropriate nicknames all evening, you will:
1. treat him to dinner
2. love him forever
3. If he doesn’t catch on, you should consider a more gentlemanly gentleman. If he disrespects your family, maybe he will someday disrespect you, god forbid! Omg I sound like my mom now! Good Luck!
Dear Paradise, Two of our three cats seem to have regular, stray-cat visitors. I feel that our cats are leading these outdoors cats on (ours are strictly indoors), and setting them up for an emotional letdown once the strays realize there’s no chance ours will mate with them. What do we do?
Dave & Missy
Hi Dave & Missy! Can you block out the window with a curtain or black cloth, at least while you’re not home? Or are there too many windows to worry about that? Have you tried to train them to not taunt the strays?
Do you feed the outdoor cats? I guess that’s an option to assuage any guilt you’re experiencing. I feel like I haven’t helped at all. Good luck!
Dear Paradise, I have a couple of choices to make this week. They feel heavy, like “Either/Or” choices, but maybe they are not. I recently entered into a paid subscription to JDATE after 6 years of free-trial-style. Freestyle. The loveliest and least generic candidates have been typically inactive, having moved on from the site. Henceforth, I have not been on a single J-date. One possibly invasive tactic was to use Google image-matching to find someone elsewhere. Well, one dreamy young lady was not offended in the slightest when I wrote her on Facebook. We had a lot of nice things to say to each other initially, which dwindled into one-liners when we both asked each other out and got too busy. “How about next week?” she said. Now we’re at next week. It’s technically my turn to write back. But she took it to the too-busy-how-about-next-week place.
In the Bay, a mysterious young woman came to a concert of mine in April, having barely known me. We’ve corresponded, and you’d think she was interested in me, or maybe just looking for attention. Very shy in person, more performative in her online presence. One saturday night, a mysterious “<3. bedtime, but <3” msg came my way over Facebook, followed soon after by a joke about a Facebook-date. When I asked her about a real date during another possible Bay Area visit, she watied 9 days to respond. Shyness? I am faced with the option of contacting her again on my travels north, to see what is what, where, and risk diluting this other LA prospect, the promise of which I also cannot quite ascertain. Oh and then I totally hooked up with this other girl on Saturday night at 2 AM.
Help me Paradise.
First – these are not either/or questions! Chill baby chill. Don’t let the holidays distress you too soon! Both potential relationionships are in such early stages, approaching the second girl when you’re in the Bay Area does not compromise the potential with the first girl. Definitely ask her out- make it a definitive “asking out.” Think of it like her “last chance.” If she doesn’t respond, kiss her “g’bye.”
And ask out the fist girl too! What are you waiting for!?